Live from Boston (sort of)

Live blogging seems to be beyond my technical capability, but here’s some fake live blogging of the Democratic convention:
8:10 Gore is introduced to the tune of the Tennessee Waltz. We’re going to hear a lot about Florida, but the song reminds us that Gore couldn’t carry his home state.
8:11 The first words out of Gore’s mouth refer to his failed candidacy.
8:14 More sour grapes. Gore doesn’t want the Supreme Court to select the president this time. Maybe he shouldn’t have taken the election to court last time.
8:17 Still more pitying self-references. He can’t even talk about the unemployment rate without mentioning himself. To his admirers, this is self-deprecating humor. But how many admirers does he have?
8:19 Now he’s hit his stride, though. He’s asking a series of well-crafted questions that put the administration in a bad light. Very effective.
8:22 He’s back to waving the bloody shirt. Good. He’s much more effective when he’s focused on the present and attacking Bush (though not by name).
8:25 He’s just sucked up to Bill Clinton. I guess he’ll do anything for applause.
8:27 Now he’s sucked up to Tipper. Literally, with another wet kiss.
8:30 A fine speech, I’m afraid, about as good as Gore is capable of at this juncture.
8:43 The Democratic women Senators, led by Maryland’s own Barbara Mikulski, are congratulating themselves. Mikulski says its not about gender, but if that’s the case, why are there all of these women on the stage smirking at us.
8:44 The worst is some woman in blue (Blanche Lincoln?). She is waving at the crowd and grinning ear-to-ear (is it possible to be elected to the Senate without ever having been on television). I think she’s hoping that at the end of Mikulski’s speech she’ll get to do the macarena.
9:02 Now it’s Jimmy Carter’s turn. The temptation to switch to the ballgame is overwhelming, but the Orioles are down 7-0 to Pedro Martinez.
9:04 Carter’s off to a good start, portraying Kerry as a worthy deckhand, or something. He attacks Bush, but again not by name, for his Vietnam record.
9:09 Carter thinks our biggest challenge is restoring America’s greatness. That was our biggest challenge in 1981. Now it’s fighting terrorism. Carter doesn’t mention fighting terrorism.
9:10 Carter waxes nostalgic about 9/12/01, when we were reeling, but loved. Must have been a great moment for Jimmy. As president, he was only able to accomplish the “reeling” part.
9:12 We defeated the Soviet Union because of our dedication to human rights. Bet you didn’t know that.
9:13 Now Jimmy’s talking about Israel. This can’t be good news for the Democrats. He claims that violence has gripped the Holy Land. Actually, thanks to the fence, violence against Israel is way down. Carter doesn’t mention the fence. His Democratic vetters probably saw to that.
9:14 Now he’s attacking Bush over North Korea. Carter doesn’t mention the collapse of the “agreed framework” or whatever it was he negotiated to make sure North Korea didn’t develop nukes. I’ll put that omission down to self censorship.
9:18 Bush has spread panic in the country. What is Carter talking about here, the color codes? For a guy who helps people build houses, Carter’s awfully out of touch.
9:24 He’s done, thank God. I don’t think he helped his party much, but when did he ever?
9:25 Chris Matthews is delighted with the speech. It figures because this was a nasty hardball type speech. Again, I don’t think he helped the party, but it was entertaining, in a nauseating kind of way.
9:26 Matthews asks Democratic operative Tad Devine whether he agrees with Carter that Bush has spread panic in the streets. Devine won’t answer, but he’s mighty proud of Jimmy Carter.

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