Deacon Will Hate This

Long-time Power Line readers are aware of Deacon’s irrational attachment to soccer in general, and Everton in particular. Everton is a once-glorious franchise in the English premier league which fell on hard times ten or twenty years ago, and has been trying to avoid “relegation”–demotion to a non-premier league–ever since.
Over the last year or two, Everton’s hopes have been buoyed by the fact that teenage sensation Wayne Rooney, the best young soccer player in the world, has been on its team. Unfortunately, after Rooney starred for England in this year’s World Cup tournament, it became clear that Everton could no longer afford him. Everton sold Rooney to perennial power Manchester United for something like $50 million, thereby breaking the hearts of soccer fans and prostitutes (inside joke) all over Liverpool.
Today Wayne Rooney made his much-anticipated Man United debut, and he scored three goals. Which, if I’m not mistaken, is about three month’s production for a typical soccer team.
Hey, as a fan of the middle-market Minnesota Twins, I can sympathize. Although the Twins recently clinched their division title for the third year in a row. If you’re an Evertonian, like Deacon, things are not so bright.
DEACON responds: Rocket Man hasn’t been paying attention. I haven’t been happier about soccer in years. First, when the Boy Wonder left Everton I wished him all the best. I’m delighted that he put three in today. Second, to my amazement, Everton is doing brilliantly without him. We’re in third place, ahead of Rooney’s Manchester United side, actually. Finally, I’m thrilled that Rocket Man is now scooping me on English soccer stories.