Schlagers!

Bill Bennett and Seth Leibsohn have named me a judge in the “Sandy Berger Lies” songwriting contest that Bill announced this morning (discussed below in “His back pages” and “Fourth of July, Asbury Park”). I must therefore avoid the appearance of impropriety and maintain strict neutrality in noting a few of the contest entries that Seth has forwarded. Here is one to be sung to the tune of the “Ballard of Jed Clampett” (the theme song of “The Beverly Hillbillies”):

Come ‘n listen to my story ’bout a man named Sandy
A censured liberal lobbyist, Clinton’s man for Security
Preppin’ for 9/11 testimony, he was readin’ some notes
And down into the ground went those bumblin’ quotes
Cover-up, that is, black deeds, Washington creed
Well, the first thing you know, old Sandy’s a felon
Bill and Hillary said, Sandy, don’t you be tellin’
Said, our legacy is the thing you gotta protect
So he loaded up his pants, incompetence never to detect
Cover-up, that is, legacy of fools, political stars
Well, now it’s time to say goodbye to Sandy and accessory
They would like to thank you for kindly droppin’ scrutiny
You’re all invited back again to the DC locality
To have a heapin’ helpin’ of their criminality
Clinton, that is, set a spell, take your shoes off
Next Dem Prez Sandy’ll be back, ya hear?

I didn’t think it was possible to put Barry Manilow’s schlagger epic “Mandy” to good use, but this entry has turned me around with lyrics to the tune of “Mandy”:

They say you are a thief
Your crime beyond belief
Stealing papers from the Man
Hiding them where you can
In your socks; underneath a truck.
Then you ran out of luck.
Oh, Sandy
You came and you took without asking
Busted for the crime
Facing some jail time
You should be sent away
Cryin’ all the way
For some reason,
You commttted treason.
Oh, Sandy.

Keep your creative juices flowing, note the contest rules here and don’t miss the January 12 deadline.

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