Hillary Clinton uncut

Hillary Clinton will visit Israel and the West Bank next week. During her Asian tour, Ms. Clinton announced her intention to clear the linguistic fog of international diplomacy, and replace it with “more straightforward” talk that does not avoid “stating the obvious.”

This commitment to plain speaking made me wonder what utterances we can expect from our Secretary of State when she reaches the Middle East. Here are a few possibilities:

Can you believe I’m here as Secretary of State? I’ve come a long way since the days of shopping with Arafat’s wife.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t mind shopping with her now. Last time, she was rolling in the millions her husband stole. All I had was a little of the 100k I made on pork futures, or whatever it was those Arkansas clowns sent my way. This time, the tables would be turned, baby.

I sure hope Obama doesn’t tilt too far towards the Palestinians. I may want to run in New York again some day.

If I can somehow engineer a peace agreement between these jerks, I’ve got a great shot at the Nobel Peace Prize that Bill was so hungry for. Pay back is a bitch.

I’m not talking about real peace. Good luck with that. Of course we have to “press” for this, but we can’t let it interfere with our key priorities — photo ops and paper agreements.

I still can’t believe I’m here. Obama’s foreign policy consists of making sure America is well liked around the world, and here he is letting me travel from region to region. He must have actually believed I’m “likeable enough.”

Don’t blame me. I told everyone he wasn’t ready.

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