The good people at the Middle East Media Research Institute have posted video of an Egyptian astrologer appearing recently on Al-Nahar TV to explain why the alignment of the stars means that the Jews will be stronger this year. Because “it’s been tested.” But there is an answer: Solve the Palestinian problem! I kid you not:
Sayyed Al-Shimi: “Saturn will enter the fire sign of Sagittarius. My late father and I have had a long history with Saturn entering fire signs. As Sheikh Daud Al-Antaki wrote, when Saturn enters any of the fire signs, the Jews grow stronger. Don’t believe in this merely because I say so. It’s been tested. We tested it, and it turned out that…”
Interviewer: “What happened in the past in such a case?”
Sayyed Al-Shimi: “We discovered that Saturn entered the fire sign of Sagittarius when the first World Zionist Congress convened. The Balfour Declaration was released when Saturn was in the fire sign of Leo. The Haganah Brigades began organizing and helping the English in 1928, when Saturn was in the fire sign of Sagittarius. The 1948 war took place when Saturn was in the fire sign of Leo. The 1956 war took place when Saturn was in the fire sign of Sagittarius. The 1967 war took place when Saturn was in the fire sign of Aries.
“Between 1963-1967, my late father warned in his annual reports: ‘Beware, Saturn will enter the sign of Aries in 1967, and this means that the Jews will grow stronger, just like in 1956 and in 1948.’ ‘Beware,’ he said, ‘something is about to happen.’ But they refused to believe him. […]
“After visiting the sign of Aries, Saturn entered the sign of Leo. This was in 1977, when Sadat visited Jerusalem. […]
“The last time Saturn was in the fire sign of Leo occurred in 2006. I started warning them in 2004: ‘Beware, when Saturn enters the sign of Leo, the Jews in Palestine will get stronger. Something leading to this will inevitably occur.’ What happened? The Palestinian Authority split into Fatah and Hamas. Now Saturn is about to enter…”
Interviewer: “It all happens in fire signs? Saturn never enters a water sign, or whatever?”
Sayyed Al-Shimi: “It does enter water signs, but in December 2014, it will enter the fire sign of Sagittarius. Therefore, I hope that until December 2014, the Arab leaders must do whatever they can to resolve the Palestinian problem.” […]
Where is Ron Burgundy when you really need him?