Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll explains: WHY I AM BOYCOTTING THE OSCARS. She writes:

Oh, mercy me! I realize that by now this is not breaking news but, evidently, black people have not garnered any nominations this go-round in the Oscars. Disaster! Black Awards Matter! It certainly could not possibly be that no individual black actor was outstanding enough in a good enough film to merit such acclaim in 2015. Oh, no. It’s a racist conspiracy. Has to be. Wait. Didn’t Denzel and Halle both win in the same year? Oh, well. That was then; this is now. And it was 14 years ago, to be fair. And Halle is just about to wind up her over-the-top wailing speech any minute now.

To be taken seriously, I would like Will Smith and all other protesters to state in every category exactly which black actor should have replaced which white actor for the nomination. Make them go on the record. (To force college Admissions drones to motivate why an Asian with 1600 on her SATs should be rejected for a more favored race with 1000 on her SATs is too much to ask.)

Just, by the by, where are the nominations of short, roundish women of late, late middle age? For too long we – uh, I mean they – have been ignored in Hollywood.

And so, because of black actors being deliberately snubbed, and short, zaftig, elderly women being similarly disenfranchised, I am throwing my enormous influence behind the boycott of the Oscars. Miscreants beware. Ammo Grrrll is on the case.

Why? Well, first of all, I always take my marching orders from the dynamic anti-Semite Al Sharpton. Anyone who has played a leading role in a bogus anti-cop rape accusation AND involved in a murderous riot, plus is delinquent in his taxes, and THEN gets his own television show has got to have something going for him, right? Luckily the job description does not include the ability to read from a Teleprompter.

I have reasons aplenty for my participation in this boycott beyond just the obvious racism of Hollywood Democrat Bag Men (and Bag Ladies. Gwyneth to Obama: “You are so handsome, you should be President forever.” Good grief. A grown woman! And she gets to vote.).

I am boycotting the Oscars because I find the whole spectacle of a bunch of spoiled, overpaid, political poseurs of any color giving themselves yet more accolades and awards repulsive in the extreme. The so-called “swag bags” worth six figures which they use to bribe presenters to appear could certainly be better used to help Joe Biden find the cure for cancer or buy Al Gore some nice parkas and stocking caps for his global warming appearances during the inevitable blizzards that dog him wherever he pontificates.

I am boycotting the Oscars because if I never hear the idiotic question, “Who are you wearing?” again, it will be too soon. But I suppose it is a more tactful question than “You aren’t going out of the house dressed like that, are you?” I have scant interest in seeing the assorted body parts of Beautiful Women tumbling out of transparent gowns. I’m not opposed to it, you understand, and realize that many men enjoy it, but it just does nothing for me. Especially if they aren’t even carrying an interesting weapon. The fashion statement most of these ladies seem to be making is, “Look! I have breasts!” Me, too, girls, and mine are real.

OK, full disclosure: I have been unintentionally boycotting the Oscars for decades. I hardly ever watch them and actually have no idea when the 2016 incarnation is on. It is rare that I have seen any – let alone all – of the nominated movies. Almost everyone inside the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion is a Democrat blowhard whose bleatings do not interest me whether uttered in person or through their film personae.

But I think it’s morally imperative that we ALL boycott everything from or about anyone who doesn’t look exactly like us. Sadly, I will have to get rid of my Larry Fitzgerald t-shirt, featuring as it does, a near-lifesize photo of a person who is not only a man, but a black man. Bye-bye to watching any NBA game when five black men are on the floor at the same time. Which is, let’s face it, most of the time.

I can’t watch Ellen or Sheldon on Big Bang because I am not gay. I must boycott any salsa band with no anglos in it. I will boycott Elementary because I am neither a man nor an Asian woman. How sad and silly and circumscribed my life will become, but it’s important to never be exposed to anyone who is not exactly like me. In fact, why even bother to know anyone else when I can just gaze lovingly into the mirror?

And finally, it is obvious that the very word “boycott” is sexist. It should be “personcott.” I should boycott boycotts until this grave verbal injustice is rectified.

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