So You Lost Your Election

Via InstaPundit, perhaps Iowahawk’s funniest post ever: “So You Lost Your Election,” hilarious advice for newly-unemployed Democratic Congressmen and staffers, from Iowahawk Congressional Outplacement Services. Here are a few excerpts:

In order to land that good job back in your home district, you first need to understand the ins and outs of the non-Washington economic system. Unlike Washington’s easy-to-understand system of leveraging raw unbridled rulemaking and police power to extract tribute from fearful and/or favor-seeking constituents, non-Washington industries are largely based on the production of “goods” or “services.” It sounds complicated, but the basic idea boils down to making things or doing things that other people will pay for. The complicated part is to remember that they must pay for them voluntarily.
For example, let’s consider a hypothetical barber, and let’s call him ‘Joe.’ Joe does something – namely, he cuts people’s hair. The people whose hair Joe cuts enter his barbershop voluntarily, and pay him for his service, also voluntarily. Why? Probably because they desired a haircut, or possibly because they enjoy his amusing patter and racy magazine selection. The important thing to remember is that they paid for the haircuts voluntarily. Obviously, with his sharp implements and razors, once a customer is in his chair Joe could threaten to stab him or slit his throat unless he forks over his wallet and jewelry. Unfortunately, this would probably reduce the number of customers coming to Joe’s barbershop.
I removed my Congressional experience from my resume. How do I explain the 28-year gap?
Claim you were in prison.

PAUL adds: That’s good advice for those ex-legislators who will be returning to their home districts. However, I expect that most of them will remain here, in the Washington economic system.


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