Is it possible that Speaker Boehner’s attack on Tea Party groups is really a devious, double-back plot to reinvigorate them? Stranger things have happened. . . (I know what you’re thinking: “Steve, stop drinking sherry and reading Mickey Kaus in the morning. . .”)
Speaking of drinking in the morning, here’s some stupid news (from CNN—it figures) that you can’t use:
James Bond at Risk of Early Death from Alcohol, Study Says
The British spy James Bond may routinely get himself out of dangerous situations with skill and charm, but his body may be suffering all the while because of his drinking habits. British researchers predict he could die from alcohol-related causes, such as liver damage, by age 56.
Scientists wanted to examine just how much alcohol the famous fictional secret agent consumes, and what effect that could have on his health. They published a study, led by Graham Johnson of the emergency department of Royal Derby Hospital, in the British Medical Journal’s Christmas edition, which features a variety of offbeat research papers.
Researchers found Bond’s weekly alcohol consumption totaled 92 units a week, which is more than four times what doctors recommend. A real person would not be able to carry out such complicated tasks and function as well as Bond does while maintaining such habits, they conclude.
Well look at the bright side: he won’t have to worry about death from sudden lead poisoning.
Meanwhile, those clever Chinese are arguing that smog is good for you. Good thing, since they’re now the world’s leading producer of that, too:
The Global Times said smog could be useful in military situations, as it could hinder the use of guided missiles, while CCTV listed five “unforeseen rewards” for smog, including helping Chinese people’s sense of humor.
And if you haven’t already heard about it, our crack security theater agents known as the TSA have averted a potential airline terror plot by . . . confiscating a tiny toy pistol from a toy cowboy sock monkey. Because you know an entire flight crew could be fooled by such a thing. Actually I thin genuine armed monkeys would be a more sensible job of screening passengers than the feds.
The latest potential Al Qaida terror threat . . . averted!
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