Thoughts from the ammo line

In this week’s installment, our friend Ammo Grrrll asks: “Whose Turn is It Next? Have We Missed Any Categories?” She writes:

Well, we’ve had our first Black President, which is working out splendidly. If her supporters have enough time to come up with even one accomplishment, and her extensive wardrobe of unfortunate pantsuits still fit, Hillary may be our first Woman President. Zippa-de-doo-dah. And we can hear about the fabulous historic historical wonderment of it all for many months until the First Gentleman boinks another intern, this time a guy to atone for signing DOMA into exceedingly temporary Law.

The notion of nomination by category is offensive on the face of it. MLK’s dream that people be judged by the content of their character and not the color (or shape) of their skin has turned into its opposite. Now pigment and plumbing are everything. If, in the wretched past, 1/16th black “blood” made one black, it is now a point not only of pride but of privilege. Heck, you don’t even need to prove your racial bona fides. Just FEELING that your cheekbones are high and that makes you a Cherokee is enough to land a coveted teaching position and be mentioned as a possible First-Runnerup Substitute Woman should the Low Information Voters be persuaded that a Benghazi is not a fancy sports car.

Can you imagine that it won’t even take until 2020 for the Perpetually Furious Grievance Crowd (PFGC) to demand a Gay President? A Hispanic Vice President? And why just a regular old boring gay person? That’s offensive to the Transgendered – the gay president should be a former man, now a woman, who is a lesbian. And why should the Hispanic Vice President be a citizen? How unfair to the undocumented! (assuming by then there are any undocumented left who haven’t been made voting citizens).

Asians and Jews never count to the PFGC. I once was asked to entertain at a Diversity Conference in Minnesota that these ultra-sensitive, diversity-celebrating, tolerance-teaching folks scheduled for Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year. You can bet your bottom dollar they all knew when Ramadan was.

But we haven’t had a Jewish President, an Asian President, a Navajo President, or, for that matter, a Polish President, Italian President, Czech President, Syrian President, Disabled Bisexual President, Hearing-Impaired Transvestite Haitian President, or Large Samoan Lesbian President, to name but a few “under-served” categories. Let’s make a list of all the people who fit into these categories and then put their names in a hat for a random drawing. What’s the difference if we are going for category and not qualifications or politics?

It goes without saying that Dr. Ben Carson, Condi Rice, Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Susannah Martinez, Mia Love need not apply. It is a well-known fact that conservatives fit into only one category: H8Rs. One Professor Wendy Doniger said in the 2008 campaign, “Palin’s biggest hypocrisy is her pretense that she’s a woman.” So that leaves us with one more category which Ms. Doniger can fill nicely: she could be our first Blind Jealous Vicious Ninny President. But mostly Blind.


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