Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll reports this morning “Healthy as a Californian.” If your weekly fix of Ammo Grrrll is not enough for you, she also steps out from the deep cover of her Power Line alter ego to celebrate the late Donald Westlake in the Weekly Standard book review “Westlake lives!” For us Ammo Grrrll writes:

My mother once sent me the dozens of warnings that came with her new dustbuster including such useful suggestions as “Do not vacuum up water” and “Do not vacuum up burning ashes.” The Nanny Staters who believe passionately in Darwinian Natural Selection seem strangely reluctant to let Nature take its course.

Go into any Ross Dress For Less store in California and prepare to be assaulted with signs every 2 feet alerting you to the fact that whatever you were planning to buy is fixin’ to kill you. The California State Legislature is so overwhelmingly Democrat that there is never any danger of pesky debate, so what to do with their time? Clearly, the poor trough-diners have to think up ever more things to regulate and manage for your good:

That dress could cause cancer if you eat it! That butter dish may have lead in it! The Teflon in that pan could eventually come off and you could ingest it! RUN!

Mr. Ammo Grrrll and I just spent time on business in Solana Beach, California. The nearest market was a Sprouts, a delightful little place evidently aimed at the huge demographic of Californians who are terrified of their food. I went in search of some mayo and found organic, cold-pressed olive oil mayo with cage-free eggs. Shamelessly raised on Miracle Whip, I thought I would give this a whirl. It worked on a sandwich but Mr. Ammo Grrrll didn’t like it.

I had had some childhood experience with free-range chickens. My Auntie Iva had chickens that you had to sweep off the kitchen table. There were chicken feathers in everything and chicken crap tracks across the tablecloth. It convinced me that chickens belonged in cages, or at least studio apartments.

Sprouts sells Baked Crackers in Crispy Sea Salt flavor which are not just gluten-free, but Xanthan Gum Free, contain no trans fats (rest easy, Mr. Bloomberg!), are (“proudly”, yet!) Non-GMO Verified, suitable for Vegetarian Diets, and Nut Free!! However, they do contain milk, so lactose-intolerants beware! The crackers aren’t bad for something made with “millet”. But I miss the xanthan gum.

Did you ever notice how food purists keep raising the ante? Ammo Grrrll, for example, never knowingly eats baby seal or bald eagle. Of course, vegetarians eschew meat altogether. (They’ve never tasted my Brisket, poor babies.) Not satisfied with that, the vegans seem to say, “I’ll see your no meat and raise you no animal products whatsoever.” (I have seen articles that claim PETA-philes avoid wearing silk because the silkworm is exploited, evidently by not being paid $15.00 an hour minimum wage.)

Then some actress with a book to peddle says, “Well, I eat only RAW fruit and vegetables,” as though cooking the carrots will hurt their feelings. Which is answered by someone who sniffs, “I don’t eat anything; I only drink juices.” And, finally, the winner is a 76-lb. woman who eats only twigs and berries she gathers by unicorn in the fairy forest. Our neighbor, the retired Texan, reported to us that last night he had a nourishing supper of Chocolate Vodka and Butterfingers. He weighs exactly what he weighed in high school. I don’t. Do you?

Every decade or so, a new dietary paradigm appears to promise we can live forever. Mr. Ammo Grrrll has seized on a Power Line-linked article claiming drinking is good for you. He can’t stop talking about it; at least I think that’s what he’s talking about. His words are kind of slurred.

Fat is bad – no, wait, fat is good; carb-loading is great; no, carbs are the tool of the devil; you might as well eat strychnine as sugar; and don’t even think about gluten. The world is a disturbing place where almost everything is beyond our control. People want to feel they have control over something and, so, obsess over food. It is easier to control gluten than Putin.

You can feel free to pay twice as much for crappy-looking “organic” produce and scrutinize every mandatory food label. But, you still won’t live forever. There, now I’ve gone and harshed your mellow. But, have a nice day. Try a doughnut; that always works for me.