Abby M. is one of my favorite Power Line readers. Abby and her sister came up from points south to see me speak at the John Locke Foundation several years ago, and we met up again on the 2008 National Review post-election cruise. Most of the cruisers came to see Mitt Romney, Victor Davis Hanson, Andrew McCarthy, Jonah Goldberg, and other of the featured heavyweights. Abby and her sister came to see the undercard — i.e., me — and to put in a personal request for a Power Line cruise. When Abby speaks, I listen. She writes today to comment on my posts on “Obama’s uncertain kazoo.” Abby comments:
Two kazoo posts in one day? Really? And there’s plenty of time left! As if I needed another reason to dislike quite a lot! In your continuing posts, Uncertain Kazoo, Cont’d, I feel the Kazoo is being maligned by its dubious association. I feel its very presence in the same paragraph is condescending and insensitive; not only to the instrument itself (inanimate things have feelings, too, yada, yada…), but to the millions of Kazooists I feel fairly certain there are. Heretofore the Kazoo has been thought of as a happy, humble little instrument that calls up pleasant thoughts, not as an object of derision, and I feel called upon to finally take a stand in its defense, right here, right now. Think On The Kazoo! No training is required; no directions are needed, other than which end is which.
Just hum into it! You are making your own music! What could be more fun than that? Instant delight! Twirl about! Change hums! You are now, quite literally, dancing to a different tune! And it’s your own! Change directions! You are your own boss! A kazoo is a small, magical piece of perfection that can bring happiness and hilarity; if any other avenue is open, let’s please not associate it with delusions and deliriums and daydreams (of whomever).
I, myself, have some kazoo experience, and have kazooed with both young and young at heart. I cannot recommend it enough! Twice I have led a loosely organized group (All Children’s (Hospital) All Women’s Almost Famous Marching Kazoo Band) in our local downtown Christmas Night Parade, and had the honor of directing a gathering of adult friends in a patriotic medley one 4th of July. It was met with mixed results. ‘Twas a celebration at which adult beverages were consumed. A bit hazy on the specifics, but after the fireworks, I think.
On one occasion while accompanying a spirited rendition of Jingle Bells at a Christmas sing-a-Iong, I actually blew out my kazoo on the last high note, “in a one horse open SLEIGH! I always carry a kazoo in my purse, and in my luggage when I travel (never leave home without it!), because you just never know! Maybe someone will be cheered by your hum of “You Are My Sunshine,” or jollied by your rendition of “Froggie Went A’Courtin’,” or maybe someone on a scavenger hunt rushes up to you, and right there on his list it says kazoo! You have saved the day! You just never know!
I have given kazoos as gifts, sometimes along with hats that read, Keep America Humming, tied them on packages, and slipped them into pockets of those who are deserving, i.e., properly appreciative. Kazoos are small, but mighty. I know you to be a fine fellow, and fair, and I know you will do what you can to make me feel better. I understand your intent, but I think we can all agree, that, in this day and age, how I feel, is paramount.
If you need evidence of the fun of Kazoos/Kazooing, I think I can provide photos.
Astute readers may infer that Abby is a huge fan of Ammo Grrrll, and they would be right.