Green Weenie of the Week: The Dept. of Energy

Ronald Reagan used to like to say that the nine most frightening words in the English language are “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” Which means the obvious costume for trick or treating is a government bureaucrat.

Too bad Ronaldus Magnus didn’t succeed in abolishing the Department of Energy as he had proposed, for the DoE is up to even more tricks and treats with its suggestion this week that kids go out dressed as solar panels. Actually that is a scary thought for people who want real electricity. The Washington Times reports (but I’m not embedding the link because their pop-up ads are totally out of control):

The Department of Energy is urging children to dress up as solar panels and wind turbines for Halloween in a green initiative it’s dubbing “Energyween.”

The department offers up instructions on its website on how kids can create their own costumes. All they need is a suit and tie, a white wig, and a Quadrennial Energy Review if they feel like going as Energy Secretary Ernest Moniz for Halloween.

Kids can also be a solar panel, a wind turbine, a particle accelerator, or an “energy vampire,” the Daily Caller News Foundation reported.

“You are a creature of the night. You lurk in the shadows, draining the power of the unwary,” reads the DOE description of an energy vampire. “No energy bill is safe! Far scarier than the stuff of Dracula or Twilight, energy vampires are home appliances and electronic devices that suck electricity even when they aren’t in use. This Halloween, unplug all the unused phone chargers in your house and attach them to yourself for a costume that will fill your friends with terror while saving you money.”

Actually, a perfect Halloween costume idea.

Actually, Moniz is a perfect Halloween costume idea.

Come to think of it, someone dressed up as DoE secretary Ernest Moniz would be pretty frightening to see at your door.

But has the DoE checked with the “Halloween Costume Sensitivity Consultants” at Wesleyan University or New York State University at Geneseo yet? Someone dressed up at Al Gore might be frightened by the sight of a solar panel knocking at the door. NRO reports:

Colleges are hanging flyers around campus with phone numbers of officials that students can call to consult with about whether or not their Halloween costume is perfectly politically correct. “Unsure if your costume might be offensive?” asks a poster that’s been hung around campus at State University of New York at Geneseo. “Don’t be afraid to ask questions.”

The poster contains the phone numbers and e-mails of five (five!) campus officials that students can contact and discuss the very important issue of whether or not what they will dress up as to get drunk in will be advancing social-justice causes.

Wesleyan University has been hanging similar posters around the school — but with six (six!) numbers listed.

Yes, in case you’re wondering, I’m keeping an extra supply of processed Green Weenies handy for any solar panel that comes to my door.