Thoughts from the ammo line

Something good has come from Madeleine Albright’s theological meditation while campaigning for Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire on the weekend before the primary. Ammo Grrrll reflects on A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL:

Well, Boy Howdy, Madeleine told US! Those of us women who refuse to vote for Hillary just because she shares the same array of lady bits as we possess are going to a special place in Hell, reserved just for us. Based on the exit polls in New Hampshire, it better be a spacious facility, in which case, just how “special” can it be? Will it be nearer the buffet line or what? Maddy, define “special.”

I am shocked, shocked, to discover that Ms. Albright even believes in Hell. Despite her many accomplishments – memorably chasing down the hall in high heels after Yassir Arafat to beg him not to abandon the conference before he agreed to the newest Screw Israel Piece Proposal — she’s just another bitter clinger. Who knew?

We are ordered by The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants-Suit to forget the fact that Hillary is a vicious attack dog running interference for her horndog husband against his female victims. (We hear a lot about RINOs. Bill is trying desperately to become First HINO – Husband In Name Only.) She is also a pathological liar, an influence peddler, and an obscenely-paid “speaker” who isn’t even funny. But, as long as she’s got one of those organs that routinely engages in Monologues unbidden, she’s supposed to have my vote sewed up. Vote With Your Vagina! Think I’ll pass and vote with my brain instead.

Donald Trump got taken to the woodshed – like he cares! — for repeating the “p” word. How long before every letter of the alphabet is a code for a naughty word that’s been voted off the island? And now we are bullied into voting for every person who owns a “p.” Well, that’s not quite right. Certainly not Sarah Palin or Mia Love or any woman who doesn’t believe in the “choice” of ending her baby’s life right up to the time labor pains are 3 minutes apart.

I don’t plan on going to Hell, no matter how special the accommodations Madeleine has arranged. She apparently believes she has some influence with the Devil, so I guess she feels qualified to arrange a special place for us. Madeleine, while you are negotiating that special place in Hell, say “hey” from me to Yassir and Helen Thomas, if indeed they are not the same person. You never saw them together, did you – hmmm? — and they looked almost identical except Yassir was marginally cuter and less anti-Semitic.

And I will never – no, not ever – vote for candidates on the basis of the color or shape of their skin or any other tribal marker, including being Jewish. The very idea is anathema to me. It is not “time” for a woman or a gay person or a transgendered Olympic athlete or a wise Latina, just BECAUSE they are one of those things. It is waaaay past time for honest, patriotic, qualified, Constitution-upholding candidates who are “brave, courageous and bold” and I don’t care if ALL or NONE are from a grievance-monger category.

I do believe that one thing this primary season portends is that that tribal crap is so over outside of the outdoor asylums that educate our young. And even among the young, primary voters are flocking to a wacky elderly white guy. And also Bernie Sanders. The Very Special, Fabulous, Historic, Inevitable, Woman Candidate has all the traction of Bambi on ice, no matter how many campaign reboots she announces. She calls it sexism. I call it about time.

And finally, about the urgent need for women to “help” women, just because they are women: give it a rest, Madeleine. You were confirmed 99-0 by the heavily-male Senate nearly 20 years ago. Since then, there has been a Black woman Secretary of State, and then Hillary. No wonder you feel the need to lecture young women. Someone who is, say, 35 or younger, has never known a time when women couldn’t be anything they put their minds to – doctor, lawyer, astronaut, general, business executive, news anchor. It’s over. We won. And winners shouldn’t whine.