Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll calls this one MAN O’ WAR. She writes:

Many years ago, I went to Hawaii with my teenage son and his friend. For the friend, it was his first time in an ocean. We were all swimming and laughing and having a grand time, when suddenly his friend screamed in agony. He had been stung by a Portuguese Man O’ War. Supposedly, it is one of the worst pains on earth that you will survive.

One of the beach bums rushed up and told my son to “Quick, bra, go pee on the sting.”

I don’t know whether this would have worked or not because, for some reason, the kid declined the treatment. But it got me thinking: “HOW did this idea originate?”

Did some poor wretch think, “Boy, my leg hurts like a son-of-a-gun, I wonder if it would feel any worse if someone peed on it?”

Speaking of terrible pain, I have heretofore not really weighed in on the Presidential contest except to say that I will vote against Hillary or Bernie no matter who is nominated on the Republican side. That is still true. I voted for McCain and Romney, too, and am not sorry. However imperfect they were, they were light-years better than what we got.

All comedians have a higher than normal need to be loved and I have been reluctant to attract the kind of vitriol and name-calling that has become an unfortunate new wrinkle on this site. I want everyone to look forward to my little Friday posts and not hate me for being beautiful. No, wait, that’s a cosmetic ad. There is a vanishingly small chance of that. I don’t want people to hate me for picking a different candidate from the one they are enamored with.

It would be hard to define a retired comedian of late, late middle age, roadkill on the Information Highway, swearing in front of a Windows 8 computer in a Dusty Little Village in Arizona as part of the “Establishment.” But stranger invective has been hurled. So let me share my honest, sorrowful misgivings about this contest.

I am not biting my lip as I tell you this, but “I feel your pain.” We have been stung mightily by the last 8 years, not by a Man O’ War, heaven forbid with his Nobel Peace Prize and all, but by a Pouty-Pants of Fundamental Transformation. Who, in my opinion, is a vicious anti-Semite and anti-white racist to boot. And we have also seen the Republicans betray us again and again, not closing the border, not making government smaller, not reversing Obamacare, not doing a single thing they were elected to do. It is damn depressing.

So, initially, I thought Trump, in all his bombast and ego, in all his willful ignorance, was a breath of fresh air. And then he attacked John McCain’s war record as a “loser”; he made a sophomoric reference to Megyn Kelly’s period; he said American soldiers would commit war crimes for him; he says he will be “neutral” on Israel; he channeled Code Pink in attacking W over Iraq; he called Michelle Malkin “born stupid,” and he is even backpedaling from his biggest selling point for me, closing the border.

And I wonder: is he the political equivalent of peeing on the sting? Do we hurt so bad that we will accept any remedy? Lord knows, he has assured us he has the impressive equipment to pee on us. And if there’s anything I look for in a President, it’s a distinguished member. How well I remember the history lesson in which George Washington took time from crossing the Delaware to send tracings of his fingers to a snotty reporter who had called them “stubby.” Maybe that was someone else. History, like math, is hard.

On the other hand, we have a choice between voting for Trump who MIGHT close the border, who MIGHT be pro-Second Amendment, and Kasich who has already announced that there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that he will do anything but grant amnesty to everybody in the first 100 days. And the gun-grabbing, open-borders Democrats. Chelsea has just promised her Mommy will give all illegals free medical care. Y’all come, hear?

And Mr. Cruz? I have already voted early for him here in Arizona. But I am not thrilled that a fellow Senator – even one as repulsive as Lindsey Graham – has said Cruz could be killed on the floor of the Senate and, if the perp were tried in the Senate, he would not be convicted. Good grief! Is that just because he’s not a go-along to get-along guy who is trying to upset their shell game? Or is it something more fundamental about his personality that will bode ill for the general election?

So, correct me if I’m wrong, my friends, but it looks to me like the survivors who haven’t been voted off the island include: a crooked, lying harridan who may soon be living in a new gated community, i.e., prison; a wacky, elderly commie who thinks we should manufacture just one brand of deodorant; a liberal loose cannon with a fluffy, orange comb-over; and a wicked-smart but weird, conservative guy nobody likes who reminds my friend John Hinderaker of Richard Nixon!

I’ve been reading lately that sitting is really bad for us. So I think I’ll lie down. Wake me when it’s over.