Like most sensible people I found Piers Morgan completely insufferable when he was on CNN. I didn’t think anything could make me miss Larry King—until Morgan began his haughty huffings. I’d rather watch a Justin Bieber concert than listen to Morgan speak another word about the Second Amendment. I’d submit to listening to the Oak Ridge Boys sing “Elvira” for a month nonstop rather than listen to Morgan (though I am reliably informed that prolonged exposure to “Elvira” is an Eighth Amendment violation as well as an infraction of the Geneva Conventions). Morgan’s ratings collapse bolstered my belief in cosmic justice, karma, kismet, and the natural law, simultaneously.
Hence it is a considerable surprise to see his remarkably good column about the aftermath of Brexit in The Daily Mail. Some samples:
I won’t lose any sleep over David Cameron losing his job. He’s a PR-driven, disloyal charlatan with the ideology of a lobotomised warthog and thoroughly deserves to be dumped on the Prime Ministerial scrapheap.
As for Jeremy Corbyn, it’s become increasingly excruciating to see him cling to the Labour leadership like a determinedly demented, gnarled old limpet. . .
I do though feel genuinely sad about Boris, or Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson to give him his full name. I’ve known him 25 years and he’s a magnificently complex, colourful and fascinating human being.
A man able to recite fluent Latin, quote Greek gods at length, play a very competent cover drive on a cricket field and seduce a beautiful woman as fast as he pours her a glass of Chablis. (When the then Tory leader Michael Howard sacked Boris in 2004, for fibbing about his extra-marital antics, I told the adulterous miscreant my favourite joke about him: ‘A new poll asked 10,000 women if they wanted to have sex with you, and 8,567 said: “Never again, no”.’ Boris roared with laughter.) . . .
Ironically, the ones who may end up shedding tears are the Tories if they lose the next election, having ditched a massively popular, natural-born winner as we saw in the London Mayoral race and EU referendum.
But I feel sad he’s quit the race because I think high office needs more not fewer characters like him. He energises debate, and encourages many more people to engage in politics than might otherwise do so.
There will be many people gleefully stomping on Boris Johnson’s quivering political carcass but I won’t be among them. I voted Remain but the irony is that I would have preferred the architect of Leave to Remain.
Like they say about stopped clocks. . .