Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll has discovered THE EASIEST JOB: Columns that Write Themselves. She writes:

Writing a weekly column is a privilege and a joy. Once I settle on a topic, the words usually flow pretty freely, and when they don’t, I power on, which is what we women do! Writers’ block or Dehydrating Flu-monia, we don’t stop until we have to be heaved head-first into a van!

Often I fiddle — in a powerful womanly way – with the column over a period of days or even weeks, until it is almost unrecognizable from the first draft. Sometimes the subject is too serious to try for funny, and sometimes, I’ve fiddled all the “funny” out of it. Sorry. “Funnyish” is supposed to be my beat. Funny, yet still powerful. Because: woman.

But it has gotten me thinking about The Easiest Job In the World — being the Liberal Black Point of View Columnist. (The brilliant conservative, Dr. Thomas Sowell and other black conservatives being refreshing exceptions, of course.) With leftists, every single thing that happens looks like a “nail” because your only weapon is the sledgehammer of crying “Racism.” At everything. No matter how the story plays out, the ending is always the same! No black Oscar nominees one year? What could it possibly be but raaacism?

Travel back with me in the Wayback Machine to remember Henry Louis Gates and the policeman who “acted stupidly” by arresting him when he (allegedly) became obscene and belligerent.

To review: Gates had just returned home from a trip to China and was having difficulty getting into his home through a jammed front door, even with help from his driver. A neighbor, alert as good neighbors should be – and our neighbor, The Paranoid Texan is — dialed 911.

From there, of course, accounts differ. The cop, Sgt. James Crowley, asked for photo I.D. And Gates may or may not have gone berserk, mentioning the man’s “mama” among other things and assuring the officer that he had not heard the last of him. As usual, the President weighed in before he had any facts, reminding us slack-jawed morons that America had a history of tendentious relations between law enforcement and black people. He threw in Hispanics as well, though there were none in the vicinity of the incident. But they’re voters. And it never hurts to try to convince otherwise happy people how oppressed and downtrodden they are.

Later, after the idiotic beer summit, most observers agreed that each party involved could have taken it down a notch and the whole incident would have been a big nothingburger. What, and miss the chance to pontificate and keep your base enraged?

Let me ask my multi-phobic basket of Commenters: wouldn’t you have been GRATEFUL that the cops appeared to check out two men breaking into your residence? Here’s my point though: the fix was in. It was going to be “raaacism” either way.

Why, it is obvious, said the liberal columnists, that Dr. Gates was not instantly believed because the racist cop didn’t think that a black man could live in such a nice neighborhood. Or the fact that he DID live in such a nice neighborhood rankled. WaPo columnist, Mr. Eugene Robinson, trotted out the old reliable chestnut “uppity.” The working-class white cop didn’t like taking guff from the uppity black professor who probably lived in a nicer house than he did.

Surely no white person breaking into her own home would have to show ID claimed the liberal commentariat. Well, no. Once, when I locked myself out of my car (again), I was interrogated vigorously and ID’d by cops as to why I was fiddling with a coat hanger to get in.

So, of course, I pulled a realistic Glock-looking BB-gun out and pointed it at them and then I ran. No, I didn’t. I remember now. I treated the cops with extreme courtesy and they thought my most persuasive argument was: “What self-respecting car thief would steal a 10-year-old Rabbit with 103,000 miles on it? It has no resale value and can’t even go fast enough to be a good get-away car.” Once we got in, there was all kinds of crap with my name on it in the car, which I like to think of as a purse on wheels.

And then just yesterday a Mexican teller must have found me “uppity,” because, despite knowing me by name, she made me show picture ID at my bank. This was understandable because it was to cash a reimbursement check from a medical lab for $13.92. Should that have bounced, my guilt at breaking Chase Bank would have been unbearable. But never let facts get in the way of a narrative. Raaacism is the only possible reason to ever have to show ID. Especially to vote.

But The Great Gates Incident could have played out a different way. Let’s say Dr. Gates’s home WAS being broken into by two black men the neighbor doesn’t recognize and the cops come. They take the word of the burglars that they live there and do NOT ask for I.D. Perhaps they didn’t dare to offend or “profile” – like the neighbors near the Islamic Terror HQ in San Bernardino where Farook and Malik lived. (Motto: “Employ us; throw us a baby shower, and we will kill you all!”). Perhaps the cops just say “Have a nice day” and drive away. Dr. Gates returns home to a cleaned-out house and finds out that a 911 call was made but the cops let the burglars go.

No matter for the liberal columnist, black or Guilty White. Would the cops get heaped with praise for not being profilers? Of course not. As I said, the ending would still be the same: “Racist cops don’t care about protecting black homeowners!”

Another column that writes itself.