Thoughts from the ammo line

Taking the view from Sunset Boulevard, Ammo Grrrll has visions of CRAZY CHRISTIANS. She writes:

Turn on a television crime drama. Here is a scenario that occurs with nauseating regularity: The investigators go to the house of a person of interest in the murder of a young girl. The timid woman who answers the door is wearing a cross. Uh-oh. That’s called a “clue.” I always turn to Mr. AG and say, “Crazy Christian Alert! Her husband did it. The girl was a foster child, molested by the Christian man and then killed to cover up the crime. The wife is cowed because she is also a battered wife.” I always hope I am wrong; but I never am. In Hollywood, nobody ”good” wears a cross. Out of ideas for decades, Hollywood needs villains and really has only three permitted categories.

You can’t suggest that black gangstas commit horrific, pointless, drug-related crime every day that ends in “y.” Racist! You can’t suggest that Muslims kill their daughters in honor killings. Islamophobic! And, you can’t sell a script in which an illegal immigrant from El Savador is just a vicious, drug-dealing gang member with three teardrop murder tattoos whose “Dreamer” status comes from sniffing glue. Those are “No-Go” Zones in Hollywood.

The “Open Season” categories that can be vilified in the most stereotypical way for movies or television are – “Big” something (Oil, Pharma, Bidness, Crooked Cops); rich, psycho serial killers; and Christians. Though black people are overwhelmingly Christian, be assured that virtually all of these Crazy Christian bad guys will be white. A Martian watching a few evenings of television programs and ads would conclude that while it’s remotely possible that all white men are not criminals, all criminals are definitely white men.

This column has been germinating for some time. Last summer I watched the DVD of Season 1 of True Detective, a beautifully-acted, mesmerizing series several years old. But the minute I saw the rich, white Southern preacher with a chain of private Christian schools, I knew he would turn out to be a pedophile monster. I watched it again with Mr. AG and he said the exact same thing without hints from me. Twofer: Christians AND Bad Cops!

Then Mr. AG ordered the great old action movie The Dirty Dozen from Netflix. The Lee Marvin character (the actor himself a World War II-era Marine) is tasked with recruiting for a near-suicide mission behind German lines twelve soldiers whose crimes have resulted in either death sentences or long prison terms at hard labor. He must turn them into a team.

Though very serious crimes have been committed, we get a sympathetic back story for eleven of the twelve convicts. Only one – Telly Savalas – has no redeeming features whatsoever. He is a Bible-quoting, lunatic rapist and murderer of women. His Christianity compels him to kill women he sees as sluts. Yawn. How many times have we seen this plot? He is, in short, barking mad and would no way have been chosen for the mission, which his insanity endangers at first contact with the enemy with disastrous results.

Leaping ahead half a century to Criminal Minds, Season 2. In one episode, the young agent, Spencer, is kidnapped, tortured and almost killed by a …wait for it …yes, a Crazy Christian! There is no attempt to humanize the young wacko except insofar as his evil stems from his Christian beliefs, passed on by HIS crazy, brutal Christian father, end of story.

However, in an earlier episode, we find a jihadi in a Guantanamo setting believed to have information about a pending terrorist attack. HIS actions, naturally, have “nothing to do with Islam.” You see, his young son has been killed by the deliberate bombing of civilians by the evil Americans. The writers carefully portray him bruised from unseen beatings by his interrogators. He lies repeatedly to his gentle interrogator, the Mandy Patinkin character, and is, in fact, guilty as sin of plotting a massive attack, barely foiled.

More than an entire season of Homeland revolved around a similar plot. The most adorable little child actor on the planet is killed by American drones targeting his madrassa. It made me cry even knowing I was being manipulated. No mention at all of the standard practice of embedding arms and terrorists in civilian areas, schools and mosques.

This is the propaganda we are spoon fed daily. It cannot help but have an effect. The deliberate attack on Christianity is relentless. Since Christianity is also a more important part of the culture in the South and “Red” states, it is also a not-very-subtle political attack.

The bias is so ham-handed it makes you wonder: have these writers never met even one devout Christian? Most (not all) of my friends who aren’t observant Jews are religious Christians. Would the writers be even a little embarrassed to write such bigotry if they knew my friend Barb – smart as a whip with genius sons and grandkids – hospice volunteer, pro-life activist? Whenever she hears the siren of an ambulance, she bows her head and prays for the strangers in that ambulance. She is the fiercest Prayer Warrior I know, but you’ll NEED prayer to play Scrabble with her: “Dear Lord, please giveth me the J, the X and the Z so I mighteth smite Barb just this once. Oh, and some good vowels couldn’t hurt. What am I supposed to do with this fourth U, Lord? She won’t accept Uhuru from Star Trek. Amen.”

I want to end with a few snippets culled from Brad Paisley’s song “Those Crazy Christians” (written by Kelley Lovelace and Brad Paisley). Go to YouTube and listen to the whole thing. It’s a tiny drop of balance in an ocean of overt, despicable, anti-Christian bigotry.


“…Every untimely passing, every dear departed soul

Is just another good excuse to bake a casserole
Instead of being outside on this sunny afternoon

They’re by the bedside of a stranger in a cold hospital room
They look to heaven their whole life

And I think what if they’re wrong but what if they’re right

You know it’s funny, much as I’m baffled by it all

If I ever really needed help, well you know who I’d call

Is those crazy Christians.”

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