Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll is pretty sure that it’s all about RECRUITING NEW DEMOCRATS. She writes:

The summer of my junior year of high school, my boyfriend arranged for us to see The Smothers Brothers at the Grandstand Show at the Minnesota State Fair. They were an absolute delight – clean, fresh, hilarious – and became one of my earliest influences.

Little did I know then, of course, that I would open for the Smothers Brothers at a private event for the Minnesota Grocers Association a mere quarter century later. Dick and Tommy were extremely kind, encouraging, and gentlemanly toward me, a relatively new comic, and appeared to be very nice people.

But here’s my actual point: their act was exactly the same as it had been when I saw them in 1963. Word for word. I knew because I had memorized it. It was a timeless, highly-professional act, and people loved it. They had no need to change it, because it wasn’t “broke.”

In the comedy business, unless you get a sitcom, there are really only two ways to make a living. You can have the insane work ethic of a Jerry Seinfeld and write new material for eight hours a day. However, with the exception of Jerry and a handful of others, most comics do not go into comedy to work hard. No. Had we wanted to work hard, we would have gone into mining, farming, trucking, construction, ranching, or air conditioning repair in Arizona. We like to say, “I love comedy. The pay is good, but the hour is great.” How many people work for an hour a day, and get applause both before and after they show up for “work”?

But if you are not interested in putting your butt in a cheap desk chair and writing new material all day, you have one other option: You can perfect an act that really works and you can tour. Or, as we put it, “It’s a lot easier to get a new audience than new material.”

It turns out this is also true for political parties.

The Democrat Party has lurched so far left that it has alienated yuge swaths of the electorate. It is peddling the same stale, tired, hateful, divisive, grievance-grubbing ”material” with the same ancient pitch-coots and spokes-crones. They desperately need a “new audience” of voters to replace the white working class and tax-paying middle classes of all colors whom they have gratuitously insulted and driven away. They are counting on voters who are young, stupid and influenced by endorsements from brain-dead celebrities. Sadly, these people frequently do not bother to vote, like Colin “Cops R Pigs Socks” Kaepernick. But more importantly, they need people who don’t understand English with the exception of two words: “free stuff.”

And hence the Democrats’ fanatic death-grip commitment to open borders, sanctuary cities, chain migration and visa roulette. They must cling to these unpopular positions like barnacles clinging to a sinking ship because they have nothing else to offer. Not a thing. Here’s a recap of just a few of the greatest hits of the Obama Era and continuing with the mighty P. Hat Resistance:

Like your doctor? You can’t keep her. Haha. We were lying and laughing at you while we lied.

Hard-working, well-paid miner? We’re going to kill coal. We don’t even try to pretend otherwise; we are proud enough to say it outloud.

Are you an Asian-American who studied every spare minute of high school? You don’t count. You need 400 more points on your college entrance exams than slackers of color in order to get into our prestigious schools. Sorry, Asians, your skin is not the right color. Well, it’s not about color per se because many East Indians are darker than African-Americans, but Indians don’t count either. Like Asians, Indians also engage in totally unfair studying, plus they have parents who read to them and go to parent-teacher conferences, that sort of privileged White Supremacy thing.

We are going to penalize, sue, and boycott any state that makes any effort to enforce national immigration laws. Same for hillbilly states that think women and girls should potty in their own bathrooms, free from the intrusion and danger of men in dresses.

We are going to call all women “brave” who claim to have had unwanted sexual contact just because they were accidentally drunk and naked in a man’s apartment on the first date. Don’t feel like making a fuss right now? Heck, you can wait years, decades even, to make scurrilous but brave charges it will be impossible to defend against. Put Gloria Allred on speed-dial and, in the unlikely event that it’s possible for a zombie to pass away, her daughter will be right there to pick up the slack.

Anyway, back to the awesome planks in the Democrat platform. Think abortion is vile any time, but especially after the baby can feel pain and is viable? Tough noogies! Think the black family would be better off with jobs? You are hopeless racists! Black unemployment lowest in history is a BAD thing and the CBC won’t STAND for it. Literally. But nothing is as bad as everything white. White people are privileged and evil. Every. Last. One. Ask Obama about his Grandma. Ask him while you’re at it about his portrait “artist,” a proud graduate of the Art School advertised on Matchbook Covers, whose main oeuvre is black people holding the decapitated heads of white people. Isn’t that just adorable? Undoubtedly “brave,” too.

Oh, and just in case you weren’t turned off enough, we Democrats love disrespect to the flag and the Anthem. We hate guns unless they are held by our private security guards. We hate free speech on campus or in the workplace, but love kneeling during the National Anthem. That Free Speech is groovy.

Wow! With a platform this catchy and attractive, why in the world would the Democrats need to import 30 million indebted new voters and distribute them around the Red States? Got me.

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