Move Over, Fitzgerald: Sean Penn Has Arrived

Will Rogers liked to joke that it was no trouble to be a humorist when you have the whole government working for you, and I’ve long thought that this should be amended to say that leftists are now working full time for our amusement.

I had heard that Sean Penn had written a novel, but intended to spend zero time looking into it, because life is too short. (Besides, I’ve done my Penn penance, as I display below once again.) But even the Puffington Host, which used to publish Penn apparently without any editing whatsoever, finds Penn’s novel so absurd that it can’t avoid saying so. The PuffHo‘s article “Sean Penn the Novelist Must Be Stopped” offers us these gems taken from the book:

“Whenever he felt these collisions of incubus and succubus, he punched his way out of the proletariat with the purposeful inputting of covert codes, thereby drawing distraction through Scottsdale deployments, dodging the ambush of innocents astray, evading the viscount vogue of Viagratic assaults on virtual vaginas, or worse, falling passively into prosaic pastimes.” ― page 36

“Behind decorative gabion walls, an elderly neighbor sits centurion on his porch watching Bob with surreptitious soupçon.” ― page 71

“While the privileged patronize this pickle as epithet to the epigenetic inequality of equals, Bob smells a cyber-assisted assault emboldened by right-brain Hollywood narcissists.” ― page 99

Might as well re-up my one original contribution to Penn performance art studies from a few years ago—a dramatic reading of one of his “news commentary” articles: