Ammo Grrrll revises James Carville (whodat?!) in IT’S THE ARROGANCE, STUPID! Thank you, Ammo Grrrll, I needed this:
“All of a sudden white women, who were going to vote for me and frankly standing up to the men in their lives and the men in their workplaces, were being told, ‘She’s going to jail. You don’t want to vote for her. It’s terrible, you can’t vote for that.’ So, it just stopped my momentum…I was winning, and I thought I had fought my way back in the ten days from that letter until the election. I fell a little bit short.” Hillary Rodham Clinton, Participation Trophy Candidate for President and current mental patient.
Hillary, seriously, we can’t take much more. Reach deep down and find a little dignity. Apparently, nobody told you the Deplorable Speech probably lost you ten million votes. Minimum. Let’s see if the Dumb Racist Red States Full of Idiot White Women Speech can outdo that! Let us count all the ways in which you are wrong. Or most of them – I only have so much time in my day before I have to trudge whitely into the kitchen in my bare feet to make food for my husband, lest he beat me.
Okay, first of all, you arrogant snot, you did not fall “a little bit” short in your second run at the Presidency; Trump ate your lunch. Where you fell was into your van and right after delivering these shameful remarks in a foreign country, you almost fell downstairs. Twice. And then you fractured your wrist allegedly falling in the bathtub because the negligent Indians failed to force two burly toxic males to stand by to forklift you out of the tub. That would be some tough duty with a high rate of PTSD.
Secondly, maybe you haven’t heard, but there’s a SECRET ballot. All those intimidated, empty-headed white women could vote however they pleased – their icky spouses and male workmates be damned.
Thirdly, here’s the truth, Mrs. Clinton, and, if no one else will say it, I will: as some sort of shining example of a white woman “standing up to the men in their lives,” you are a total, pathetic failure. Gennifer Flowers wasn’t enough to kick Bill to the curb? Cigars in the Oval Office with a woman six years older than Chelsea didn’t frost your cupcake? “You better put some ice on that!” ring any bells? Five trips on The Lolita Express? You are STILL married to the bum, for the love of Pete. Yeah, GREAT “standing up,” kiddo. And you had the temerity to mock Tammy Wynette for “Stand By Your Man”?
A lot of women stick with hounds because they have no choice – no money, a bunch of kids and no prospects. You have a law degree, and half of marital assets totaling a billion dollars, give or take. But you needed Bill’s clout to continue your Long Shoeless Lurch to the top of the political heap.
The women who DID vote for you do not need to “stand up to the men in their lives” because most don’t have any men in their lives. Who is your base, besides hard-core leftists? A lot of single women, including unmarried mothers who consider Big Sugar Daddy Welfare (taxpayers, really) to be their man. Women with other women as their partners. Celebrities who change partners as often as they change movie roles. Self-important harridans married to wussie sorta-men who barely count as males.
We married white women were totally enamored of you until we “were being told” that you were going to jail? So you are saying that we married white women don’t follow Twitter or navigate the Internet or read the newspapers or watch TV to get our news? We just sit there looking pretty and pale until we are “told” by our menfolk what to think. I’ve never heard anything more sexist from a MAN.
Although you could be right, because I have no opinions, no issues I care about until I get my marching orders from Mr. AG. He assures me that we BOTH care about secure borders, vetted fake refugees, vetted fake Dreamers, Israel, free speech, religious freedom and Second Amendment rights. You were 0 for 7 on those. You opposed Voter I.D. You were too cowardly to say “All Lives Matter.” You favor abortion up until labor pains are 3 minutes apart, possibly beyond. And we haven’t even gotten to Benghazi, uranium saleswoman of the month, or your personal qualities yet.
I was NEVER going to vote for you. NEVER. I didn’t even like you when I was a Democrat.
George W. Bush said after candidate Trump’s attacks on “low-energy Jeb!” that “Donald, you can’t insult your way to the Presidency.” That turned out to be wrong. But, Hillary, you would do well to heed that advice. You can’t insult half the ELECTORATE to a third bite at the apple. Oh, how we wish you could! I would love to see President Trump (how that must rankle to see that in print every day…) take you on again. And I especially would love to see a real down-and-dirty catfight in the Democratic primary – you and Bernie and Kamala and the Indian Maiden on the Land O’ Lakes Butter Box – all scratching and biting and hissing for the right to see who will lose to The Donald again. Popcorn City!
One would think that these wretched remarks about white women would constitute the low point of your analysis of how you lost the election. But one would be wrong. These were nothing compared to the boring, repetitive, infuriating slander that Red State residents are racists. And Unreliable Confused Racists, at that, who voted TWICE for that Black guy you lost to and then suddenly smacked their foreheads and remembered that they were bigots. Though how voting for the OTHER white person in the race constitutes “racism” is a real poser. Nice touch, also, to claim that Red Staters hate East Indians. Your Indian audience might have heard of Nikki Haley, who has a much better chance of being the first woman President than you do.
Boy, is your shtick getting old, lady. Plus, I just have to say that whoever you have now as a Wardrobe Consultant must be a vicious plant from Ivanka’s fashion house. I did not think it was possible to find a more unflattering garment than that carpet remnant pants suit. But the billowy maternity dress over the pedal pushers beat that all hollow. Cultural appropriation, anyone? What’s next – hoop earrings? (Run, kids! Find your PlayDoh and plush toys!) Hillary, I am going to end with a humane plea, a prayer, for you to stop humiliating yourself, take up a hobby – you seem a natural for snow-boarding — and enjoy your grandchildren.
Let me express it more elegantly by plagiarizing. I say, if one is going to plagiarize, one should steal from the best. I offer to Hillary the severely-truncated words of Oliver Cromwell in his speech to the House of Commons – April 20, 1653 – on the occasion of the Dissolution of the Long Parliament. It’s been 365 years, and I can no way improve on it. I am also taking the liberty of changing the plural aimed at the members of Parliament into the singular aimed at Mrs. Clinton. Oliver, forgive me; it’s in a good cause!
“Ye are a mercenary wretch, and would, like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money.…ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation. You have sat too long for any good you have been doing lately… Depart, I say; and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!”