Ammo Grrrll comes out for COMMON SENSE VEGAN CONTROL. And that’s not all! She overflows with “common sense” reform proposals. She writes:
Well, let’s see. Hitler was a vegetarian; the YouTube shooter was a vegan. Surely, there is an obvious and unfortunate connection between eschewing red meat and wanting to kill people and children. Clearly, we have no choice but to force vegans to register their broccoli, zucchini, arugula, and kale. Especially the kale, which should all be uprooted and the earth around it salted. Vegans may apply for a special permit for these “vile weeds” (per Newman on Seinfeld) to be granted special dispensation if they are served as legal, if unseemly, side dishes placed next to Medium Rare Rib Eyes or Extra Crispy Fried Chicken.
Why any sane person would not prefer shards of hot, crispy potato deep-fried in boiling oil and vigorously over-salted is anyone’s guess. But there’s no accounting for taste.
It is also well past time to allow Hollywood to make even one more dollar off the promotion of movies that contain weapons. Hollywood celebrity ninnies talk a good game. They make millions from screen violence and then denigrate bitter clingers who have the Audacity to Hope that the right to self-defense also applies to mere mortals. Remember, these are nobodies who have never been mentioned in People magazine even once.
The Hollywood Exception ends now with the new Confiscators Go Hogg-Wild Gun Rules.
Any movie that profited from the use of guns must return all the money made off those movies to a Central Bloomberg-Soros Fund to Confiscate All Guns. In the event that this cannot be accomplished either by whining or a boycott of sponsors, a special snowflake posse – The Flaccid Flunkies — shall be recruited to do the confiscating door to door beginning in Texas with the fighting slogan “You go first. No, really, after YOU.”
Not only should no movie going forward be allowed to portray the use of a gun, but past movies should be taken to Turner Studios and any reference to or portrayal of a gun should be removed. Hey, if Turner can put color IN, surely they can take weapons OUT. True, John Wick will be down to 30 seconds, but that is a small price to pay to avoid the promotion of Things That Go Bang and Murder Our Children. And John Wick’s dog will not be killed, but simply sent to a nice farm, since anyone with half a heart would agree that the murder of his dog totally justifies the subsequent 79 deaths by gun, knife, fist and pencil. And that’s just a “good start” compared to the carnage in John Wick 2. Well, that’s my opinion anyway.
Movies should be retitled in a way that promotes peace, light, unicorns, rainbows, and understanding. Star Wars will have new life as Peaceful Coexistence Among the Stars, and The Empire Strikes Back will become The Empire Hits the Red Reset Button. Jabba the Hut will not be portrayed as being in any way unattractive just because he is “of size.” He will get to know Princess Leia in the Biblical sense. And not just because she’s a hostage.
The Longest Day will become The Shortest Hour. And High Noon will end with Gary Cooper going out for latte and a scone with the bad guys and finding out that it was gender dysphoria and teenage bullying that made them so cranky. It will be retitled Woke at Noon.
The provocative Kurt Schlichter has told us repeatedly that “You’re gonna hate the new rules.” So here is Confiscators Go Hogg-Wild Rule #2: Any politician or Hollywood personage who opens his, her or xer piehole about gun control will not be allowed to have any kind of private bodyguard. And every mansion in Beverly Hills shall have a sign saying, “Not Protected by any kind of Armed Response. Y’all come, hear?” Since every California politician and almost every Hollywood celebrity also pays lip service to support for a Sanctuary State, there will also be a sign with the little silhouetted family holding hands running INTO the house with the word “Bienvenidos” on it. Starting with Nancy Pelosi’s mansion, which will be repurposed as a DACA Youth Hostel for MS-13 “kids,” no matter how many “teardrop” tats signifying murders they sport.
Finally, the minions and lickspittles behind the Tyrannical Tot Crusade will pass Hogg-Wild Rule #3 — to remove any weapon from X-Box, all electronic devices and video games. The only permitted video game will be Pong. And even then, there will be no mechanism with which to keep score. Keeping score is sexist, racist, and bad for self-esteem. The Default Position of Pong and any future video game will be “Participation Trophy Mode.” At the end of every game, a motto shall appear upon the screen saying, “Thanks for playing. You tried really hard. You are not in any way a loser just because you lost.”