In Massachusetts, No Gender Left Behind

Howie Carr’s latest column relates what happened when virtue-signaling Massachusetts Democrats introduced a measure to add a third gender to the state’s drivers’ licenses: Gender X. This is the sort of thing you would have expected to pass, until Rep. James Lyons took the floor to object. How dare the Democrats take such a narrow view of the nearly infinite variety of Bay State genders?

Since all Democrats must admit that the number of genders is endless, how dare the commonwealth lump all the new genders together as “Gender X”?

“Separate but equal” — that’s what it by God sounded like to Rep. Jim Lyons. And he was willing to put his shod foot down. Hate Has No Home Here. Not on His Watch. Lyons decided to take a stand against Gender Jim Crow.

Every gender, he declared, must be listed on Massachusetts driver’s licenses! That was Lyons’ non-negotiable demand. No justice, no peace.

Every gender? That could add up!

Next question: How many genders are there? New York City under Mayor Bill de Blasio once ruled there are 31 — easy to remember, because it’s same number as Baskin-Robbins ice cream flavors.

Then the number began creeping upwards, getting close to Heinz’ 57 Varieties. Genders seem to be reproducing like amoebae, dividing and subdividing, trans to transsexual to trans man to trans male to trans person …

Sitting in the House chambers late Tuesday night, with the clock ticking down on the session, ­Lyons took out his smartphone and arrived at the latest updated number of genders: 73.

I asked Lyons Friday where he found his new number 73.

“Facebook,” he said.

Lyons was uncompromising: if Massachusetts is truly to keep up with the times, all 73 genders must be provided as drivers’ license options. Of course, this posed a logistical problem in the waning hours of the legislative session:

[L]egislative leadership couldn’t rule any of his gender amendments out of order as absurd, because if they did, it would be giving away the game. They would be admitting that the “X”-ercise was preposterous on its face.

Lyons began filing his affirmative-action amendments. Number 6 added as a gender “cis.” Amendment 9 — cis female, 13 — cis woman, 14 — cisgender female, 18 — cisgender woman …

By now, on the floor of the House, puzzled Democrats were coming up to Lyons, asking him what he was doing.

We can’t discriminate, he archly informed them. This is Massachusetts. Gender is an evolving paradigm, to coin a phrase. All genders must be protected. Equal protection under the law.

Amendment 21 — gender fluid, 22 gender non-conforming, 23 gender questioning, 25 gender variant, 26 genderqueer …

In all, 73 genders, 73 amendments to Spilka’s bill.

Under House rules, Lyons would have 10 minutes to debate each gender he proposed to add to the driver’s license. And then three minutes for a roll call vote, 73 times.

The leadership was beat. By midnight, they needed to pass legislation — real bills, not this PC nonsense, but their actual business, land takings and the like.

If Lyons insisted on going full Social Justice Warrior, there would no time for reality.

He had already filed 35 of his 73 amendments — six hours’ worth of debates and votes — when leadership threw in the towel. They ordered Gender X back … into the closet.

It’s a great story. But satire is hard these days. My fear is that Rep. James Lyons may unintentionally have given us a preview of drivers’ licenses of the future.

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