Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll is BIDDING ADIEU TO #MeToo. After her goodbye to all that she has some exciting retail opportunities better characterized as SOME COOL SURPRISES! She writes:

To my certain knowledge, the only time in my life I have ever said, “MeToo!” was when someone asked, “Who wants cake and ice cream?” and someone else had already answered “Me!” first.

I’m just not a “MeToo” kinda grrrll. I have a yuge anti-authoritarian streak and a visceral, DNA-level hatred for piling on and going along with the crowd. You want to see “MeToo” in action, watch an old film clip of a Hitler rally, or (if you can stand it, and I can’t) a picnicking crowd at a lynching. From the time I was a young girl, seeing those mobs that had surrendered their humanity gave me the same feeling expressed by Mark Twain, “Sometimes when you observe the human race, it does seem a pity that Noah and his party didn’t miss the boat.”

I have always feared mobs, maybe because I am so small, can’t see over them, and fear being trampled. As over-the-moon ecstatic as I was when the 1987 Minnesota Twins won the World Series, I did NOT attend the gigantic parade downtown, rumored to be a million strong. I watched on television and enjoyed a sammich in the peace of my own family room.

Now when I wrote my last couple of columns about the mob mentality of #MeToo, I referred to some assaults or near-assaults that happened to me. But I hope you notice, I didn’t name anybody. Of course I know the name of the monster who violated my innocence as a little 9-year-old girl. He was known to me, which is why I trusted him at all. He and his wife are long dead. He was eventually arrested for molesting his own grandchildren. How would I be doing the world a favor to use his name and smear and mortify his poor son, who would be in his late 70s now, if alive, or re-victimize the grandchildren?

I think of several bewildered and hurt actors — left-wing putzes though they be — who thought they were bantering and joking around with women friends from TEN, TWENTY, THIRTY, FLIPPIN’ YEARS AGO, and now are “outed” as “harassers.” Good Lord! Or Ben Affleck – multiple times named as “Sexiest Man Alive” by People Magazine – being accused of copping a feel from ONE actress whose outfit without a doubt was displaying the merchandise in an enticing manner. ONE! With all that opportunity!

Well, enough already about #MeToo for the time being. It’s been edifying, but completely exhausting watching the p*ssy-hat loons, the Democrat smear machine, and their willing accomplices in the media go bonkers. But the good guys won. Again! We’ve gone from the 2016 Cubs World Series win (for Mr. AG), to the mind-boggling defeat of Hillary “No Civility; No Peace” Clinton, and elevation of DJT to the highest office in the land; to this Democrat swan dive into the sewer from which we eventually surfaced, showered off, and as others have said, celebrated with beer!

We need to take a victory lap, breathe deeply, gird our loins or anything else that needs girding, and relax however briefly before coming out swinging for the mid-terms. There is way more to life than endless political crap. So here are some relaxing ideas and opportunities!

Regular commenter Daniel Schwartz has a Barbershop Quartet CD out just in time for the holidays. It’s called “From the Hearth.” He mailed it to me as a gift, with no thought of asking for a plug. But it’s terrific, uplifting music! I defy anyone to be depressed while listening to Barbershop – its harmonies are healing medicine. There are songs for Christmas, Chanukah, lullabies, hymns, love songs. Their outstanding quartet made a “clean sweep” of the 2017 Boston Regional Harmony Sweepstakes Festival, taking overall Champions, Audience Favorite, and Best Male Soloist Awards. The harmonies are tight as an Eagles song. Order on-line here.

In our building crescendo of excitement, next I must tell you that my very own Mr. AG has written his first novel! It’s a thriller wherein an ordinary small-town Northern Minnesota guy – WITHOUT the mad skill set of a Liam Neesen in Taken – must stop a terrorist attack. My husband has elected to write under a pseudonym, so look on Amazon for Khaybar, Minnesota by Max Cossack. It is $3.99 for an e-book and just $9.99 for the paperback. Now, okay, he’s my husband so how objective could I be, right? But, I will promise you I was astonished at how good it is. Especially for a first novel. His characters are interesting, quirky and brave. And, ladies, he writes really smart, funny, strong women characters too, even an attractive Jewish, uh, ex-wife (should I be worried?)

So, please, friends, family and fans keep these three little words in mind: BUY IN BULK. Makes a great stocking-stuffer. Ammo Grrrll – who keyboards her sometimes-arthritic little fingers to the bone week after week for free — thanks you for ordering it today. And reviewing it on Amazon with at least five stars.

And FINALLY, numerous Commenters have begged for a compilation book of AG columns. One reader even suggested that I will be called to answer for not doing so at the Pearly Gates. Well, that persuasive argument seemed to get me off my lazy duff to compile Volume 1 of Ammo Grrrll Hits the Target, columns from 2014, which will include some additional never-before-seen material. There eventually will be 3 subsequent volumes! Start now to budget for the whole set!! ($20 for one, $70 for 2, $150 for the complete set. Hoho. Remember, ladies, Math is Hard! I kid. I kid!) Get a set for every bathroom in your home. Seriously, it will be attractively priced and Volume 1 will be out by Black Friday on Amazon.

I am trying to figure out a way for me to mail buyers of the paperback a free “peel and stick” label with a personalized message and autograph that can be pasted into the flyleaf. Stay tuned. Because there is nothing more valuable than the signature of an anonymous blog columnist who almost nobody has ever heard of. Secure your retirement by reselling the book on eBay!

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