Don’t get Ammo Grrrll angry unless you want to laugh really hard. That’s the conclusion I draw from CHEWING THROUGH MY RESTRAINTS. She writes:
I once saw a joke t-shirt in the Mall that I related to. It said: “Some days it doesn’t even seem worth it to chew through my restraints.”
I am generally a very happy if somewhat-high strung person. I experience the usual bouts of anxiety and grief over loss and pain as any normal person would, but I try to stay upbeat most of the time. But every once in awhile – certainly not more than twice a day – something is so mind-blowing, so upsetting, that, as the tired expression goes, “I can’t even…”
For example, the THIRD bogus Kavanaugh accusation – the letter clearly copied straight from bad porn that had both Kavanaugh and his pal in a car with a woman taking turns doing things nearly anatomically-impossible. The woman later confessed that she made the whole thing up for attention. And we never heard if she suffered the slightest consequence.
It was, after all, no more “un-credible” than the clinically insane idea that a group of high school boys could have regularly scheduled gang-rape parties with spiked punch and drugs and NOBODY – not the “victim” girls nor the proud perps – told a soul. Yes, friends, many many people were alleged to be involved and not one word leaked! For the love of God, sign them up for the intelligence agencies! Those folks leak like an incontinent geezer laughing, coughing, or sneezing! Probably just coughing or sneezing. Those Deep State guys seem to have no sense of humor at all. Well, except for John “Bucket O’ Laughs” Brennan.
But millions – MILLIONS – of idiotic women celebrities, keening feminists screeching and scratching on the Supreme Court door, and even a few sorta-men celebrities and activists claimed with straight faces to believe it! “Women must be believed! Women never lie!“
Only a person who has never known a woman or never BEEN a woman believes that. Are YOU a woman reading this right now? Have YOU ever lied? Yeah, me neither. Show me the listed weight on your Driver’s License while standing on a scale. Show me your “Food Log” at Weight Watchers. Let me listen to you tell your dental hygienist how regularly you floss. Let me hear you phone your employer from the beach to say you are sick. Let me see ID on every single person claiming to be celebrating a birthday at any free-birthday dessert restaurant. Just sayin’.
Moving on. We talk a lot about Unity, Reconciliation, Coming Together – black and white, men and women, gays and straights, conservatives and psychotics (haha, I kid the psychotic leftists). And, finally, we may have that issue that brings us all together, Kumbaya style: No, it’s not the tedious “conversation” about race we’ve been hearing about for 60 years.
It’s The Jussie Smollett Obama-Connected Fix Being In. Yeah, it’s old news, but I want to do my part to keep it on the front burner. The judge who sealed the material “accidentally” assures us he can get to the unsealing, probably, by May. In every such corrupt event, the miscreants count on the 3-day Attention Span of the American people. Don’t let it drop!
The cops are livid. Chris Rock, no Republican, mocked Jussie. Even the cast of Empire is divided. Obama stalwarts Rahm Emmanuel and David Axelrod at least pretended to be upset for a couple of minutes before pivoting rapidly and reflexively to “Trump caused it.” I don’t know when Trump found the time when he was so busy “causing” the New Zealand massacre. Is there anything that guy can’t do?
I have to admit to being stunned by the Jussie outcome. I have lived long and seen many amazing things. I generally feel immune to being shocked or blindsided about anything. But this really took the cake. Sixteen counts, an absurd, evolving tale that stunk from Day One, and proof positive that the little racist me-monster arranged the whole hoax.
And he walks! Friends of friends make a few phone calls and the problem disappears for Jussie. That’s some kind of friends! Who has that kind of juice? Rachel, Brian, Morning Joe, Van, Ana? Calling all “journalists”! Here’s a real poser for you to investigate. Hey, you might even be able to recycle some of your “Collusion” chyrons!
If I were the Chicago PD, I would release every SCRAP of evidence against Jussie. Stand in a solid phalanx thousands strong in uniform while passing out the information to random passersby – have it dropped from Police helicopters — and DARE some corrupt black robe and the whole DA’s office to arrest you all, if they can find a law enforcement agency to do so.
I bet 98 percent of Americans will agree with me when I say that I have no interest whatsoever in seeing this narcissistic little hate-monger spend a lot of time in jail at taxpayer expense. What I want is for him to have to CONFESS on television that he committed the hoax and apologize to all white people, especially MAGA supporters.
And then, since at least one of his motives – besides the standard Trump-hatred and racist white-hatred – was to get attention and leverage for a higher salary, I want a SUBSTANTIAL fine that would actually hurt. Heck, he can always have a GoFundMe campaign in which Soros and all the celebrity haters who bought and spread the original preposterous tale can pitch in. But he should not be able to claim “vindication” and even yak about suing the police department.
Ya basta. Enough! Since I wrote part of this column a good while back near St. Patrick’s Day, I end with a limerick. Pour yourself a morning beer — okay, a Mimosa — and enjoy.
For most people, black, brown or white
Whose criminal acts come to light
Our friends in low places
Can’t dismiss our cases
When the Grand Jury votes to indict.
But Jussie isn’t just black,
He also likes men in the sack,
He committed a crime
But will not do his time
Cuz Obama and friends got his back.