Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll is available at the merchandise table: JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS: What You NEED Going Forward. She writes:

I confess. Though it’s supposed to be bad manners, I love to eavesdrop. Since I often travel alone, it is not unusual to find myself in situations where I am just sitting there in a restaurant at my pathetic Table For One, pretending to study the menu. All around me various conversations are swirling that give me some idea of what my fellow countrymen are thinking. (Or did, before whole families just hunkered over their individual cellphones.)

Perhaps the conversation that delighted me the most – that can still make me laugh aloud when I relive it – took place in one of those big, heavily advertised roadside souvenir shops that dot the landscape from Arizona through Texas. I was actually an aisle away from the family, but I heard a youngster’s voice. He had grabbed an item off a shelf, determined to have it for his own. “But, WHY can’t I have it? I NEED IT! I NEED IT!” he asserted loudly and tearfully, working his way up to a major meltdown. And this is what I heard:

“No, Cody! Put that back! No 5 year old NEEDS a bullwhip.” Surely, truer words were never spoken. “Need” is such a relative term, isn’t it? (Gun show t-shirt: “Why, yes, I DO have all the guns that I NEED; but, I don’t have all the guns that I WANT.”)

Politically, it’s going to be a long, hard slog for eleven months until we can reelect Donald Trump. We are going to need a lot of morale boosting in a fight in which all the might, all the power are seemingly arrayed against us. Who is still on our side – besides the 63 million Clinging Deplorables who elected him? It gets gosh-darn discouraging. And every day seems to feature a new defector, usually taking a gratuitous potshot at US on his way out the door.

Here is a partial list of those NOT on our side: the powerful gatekeepers of social media; most mainline church hierarchies; The Bloated Deep State; almost every billionaire; the Arrogant Academic Slugs; the Millionaire Athletes on their Plantations; Every Major Network including much of Fox; The Mewling Pussy Hat Crowd; The First Amendment Haters; The Gun Grabbers; the Incredibly Diverse Identi-crats; the Prevaricating Pollsters; the Late-Night Commie-dians; and the Spineless Entertainment Industry Twits, if they want to work.

(Hollywood’s Motto: “Let’s remake every movie ever made, only this time in Die Hard, the Bruce Willis character is a lesbian Mexican dwarf who kicks Trump off the Nakatomi Tower!” I hear that Hollywood is working on an ET remake with Elliot all grown up having a reunion with ET. Perfect. If we get to meet ET’s extended family, Adam Schiff could play his deranged older brother who is insanely jealous because ET is cuter with a much shorter neck.)

Perhaps most discouraging of all are the miserable turncoats, petty snipers, and Professional Pretend Republicans in print and on TV. Look, Ana “Fat!” Navarro, I don’t care if you are now all-in for gun-grabbing, baby-killing, border-erasing, Medicare for illegals. There’s a Party for that. Just OWN IT. Tell the world proudly that you are now a Democrat. And that goes for the whole tiresome Never Trump outfit as well. Take a page from the gutsy gays and just come out, already.

My take is that damn few of the turncoats have a military background, nor have most even ever been in a bar fight. Why do I say this? Because if they had been in a real down and dirty fight with a relentless, implacable enemy, they would know you don’t snipe at your teammates over some utter triviality when they are all that stands between you and disaster.

(“Hey, did you hear that the President’s salt shaker was bigger than the others on the table? Seriously, you guys. He got more ice cream once, too, and his wife wore high heels to a hurricane! Plus, her Christmas decorations are icky, that’s what all the cool people said.”)

Though this is a deadly serious fight, we are going to need humor, stamina, endurance, and constant reminders of why we fight. The Loony Left will supply the latter. And here is where I think I can help. My newest column compilation book – Ammo Grrrll Is A Straight Shooter – is now out on Amazon and available for purchase in bulk for the holidays. I promise it will be a morale-builder, a load-lightener, and fun stroll back down a pretty recent Memory Lane.

I love recommending other people’s work (good comics, musicians, and my husband, Max Cossack’s excellent novels). I do not like pushing my own stuff. Frankly, I never even mentioned Book Four — Ammo Grrrll Is Home On The Range — but it also covers a fun period of recent history in which the Left has behaved with all the decorum of a kindergarten class that missed its nap on the day after ingesting 80 lbs. of Halloween candy. Feel free to order both books if you missed Book Four. Please. I thank you in advance. If just a couple hundred fans buy the new book, it will vault it to #1 in Political Humor on Amazon! Then give it a 5-Star Review! It really really helps.

“For every single 5-Star Review, a drop is drained from the DC Slough!” – Clarence the Angel in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” You can look it up.

All 5 books, which I have put out in just 13 months, sport vibrant, pretty covers. So if you are one of those people who just like to display books rather than read them, they will make an attractive addition to any bookshelf. Since each individual column takes but 5-8 minutes to read, you can see how perfect the book would be for the bathroom. They are also good for bedtime reading before you crash. Which, in my case, is usually about 6 minutes. At this rate I hope to finish Green Eggs and Ham by New Year’s Day.

I won’t be doing another self-promotion for at least 5 months when Ammo Grrrll Reloads (Volume 6) comes out. It will cover April 2019 through March 2020. After that, I will be – Whew! – caught up and will only put out one a year. That’s one column of self-promotion out of 52. Not bad, really, for a person who toils for free! If you’ve ever listened to a Rush hour, you get 5 minutes of Rush, 5 minutes of commercials; lather, rinse, repeat. It’s OKAY. For the incalculable contributions Rush has made to the cause, he’s entitled!

May your Christmas or Chanukah be joyous; renew, refresh, and saddle up for the coming battle. Let my work be a burr under the saddle of our opponents, and a balm to your soul.