Ben & Jerry’s: The inside scoop

Andrew Stiles is not only the Washington Free Beacon’s brilliant humorist, he also has the “scoop” on the latest from the Ben & Jerry’s crew. Stiles serves up the story in “EXCLUSIVE: Ben & Jerry’s Targets Anti-Semite Demographic With Audacious New Ice Cream Flavors.” Subhead: “Left-wing dessert has slaughtered millions through its contributions to the global obesity epidemic.” He reports:

The company, which is at least partially responsible for the nearly three million annual deaths from obesity, argued that selling ice cream in those areas was “inconsistent with our values.” Others argued the move was merely a performative display of anti-Semitism designed to appeal to journalists and other radical liberals.

New information exclusively obtained by the Washington Free Beacon suggests the company’s commitment to anti-Semitism was the driving force behind the decision. Documents obtained by the Free Beacon reveal that Ben & Jerry’s plans to target the anti-Semite demographic with an extensive ad campaign touting the release of at least five new ice cream flavors.

Stiles even previews the products and the packaging. Minnesotans can take special pride in Ilhan Omar’s All About the BENJALMONDS.

And there are more, all in the Ben & Jerry’s spirit! You won’t want to miss FarraCone Fudge Factory and First Mintifada. Check them all out here. I should like to think that if it is possible to laugh these people out of business, this might do it.