Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll now itemizes a few GRIFTS WITH LEGS. She writes:

Last week, we talked about “Lies with Legs,” Big Lies that go on and on. Today we will discuss grifts that do the same. In fact, with most of these con jobs, the longevity factor is baked in the cake. Say you want a hustle that will support you forever…Let’s start with:

BLACKMAIL

It used to be that a con artist would find someone doing something illegal or “naughty,” usually of an embarrassing sexual nature, find some sort of photographic or audiotaped proof, and approach the miscreant with the threat of exposure unless money is paid.

The “legs” part of the grift was that however much the victim paid to get the negatives or tapes back, it always turned out there were more copies and the payments would go on until the victim was bled dry. Blackmail is, unfortunately, still illegal, and at some point the victim can conclude that taking out the blackmailer is the only way to make the grift stop.

But there is another more fundamental problem. Nowadays there is NOTHING that a large percentage of the population is ashamed of. I give you Hunter “Picasso” Biden and his laptop. So it’s tough to find something where avoiding “exposure” is worth the cash. Our very own Vice President got her political start as the, uh, arm candy of a powerful married politician. Where once this would have been an absolute deal-breaker, especially for a woman, Kamala doesn’t even appear to be embarrassed by it.

Once, many decades ago, the Lieutenant Governor of the State of Minnesota was caught in a store with $6.00 worth of sewing notions in her purse. No, really! Isn’t that hilarious and quaint? But, she was a Democrat, so the terrible scandal eventually was ‘splained away. (“She was under stress and forgot.”) But today, shoplifting is legal, arson is “giving room to protest,” looting is fine (bring the kids!), FBI agents altering critical documents is not even close to a firing offense. It is very difficult to find a crime for which exposure would spell the end of a (Democrat) political career. (See, also: Kennedy, Ted).

DRUG DEALING

Again, though increasingly drugs are being legalized, sold in stores and taxed, this is still a pretty steady gig inasmuch as your customer base is physically ADDICTED to your product and must find a way, every single day, to get more. (See, also: Krispie Kremes.) And though it poses small risk of arrest or punishment from the law enforcement side, the competition is fierce and many the addict has thought to eliminate the middleman between him and his favorite drug, and steal both his stash and his cash. A new gang is, literally, always just around the corner, coveting YOUR corner and willing to terminate the competition with extreme prejudice. As a hustle, I can’t recommend it, though some do well short-term.

ANTI-RACISM BOOKS AND LECTURES

Now we’re talkin’. Here is a grift with serious legs and virtually no downside. You don’t even have to dress up for it. One corporate presenter who went “viral” speaking on How To Be Less White just got into her size 3XL Spandex outfit and went off to collect her tens of thousands of dollars spewing racist drivel at the most captive audience since my seventh grade class was force-marched into the gym to watch a wretched Punch and Judy Puppet Show. The movement stars who write the books assigned by every high school and college Social Justice Class also get up to $30,000 for a corporate lecture.

But here’s the kicker that gives this grift real serious legs: the bottom line of every lecture is that we white people are simply hopeless! The most obsequious among us, trying our very hardest, can never, never, never rid ourselves of the poison of racism. White babies are racists! The half-white, half-black President who was twice elected with the massive help of white voters, has assured us that racism is IN OUR DNA.

For the race card grifters, as Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” would say, “Isn’t that CONVENIENT?” A lifetime sinecure. (Or, a cynic COULD ask: “Then, why bother even trying to educate the congenitally hopeless?”)

One of my favorite Woody Allen movies is Sleeper, wherein a man (Woody) has been cryogenically frozen for 200 years and is brought back to life to find himself in a bizarre future dystopia, not unlike America in 2021. At one point in his adventure, he bemoans the fact that he is very anxious because he has not seen his therapist in 200 years.

“He was a strict Freudian,” he tells his companion, “I would have been almost cured by now.” When that comely companion invites him to have sex he adds, “I also haven’t had sex for 200 years – 204, if you count my marriage.” None of us except Keith Richards will be here in 200 years, but trust me, the Anti-Racism Grift will still be lucrative. The MLK “content of our character” speech cannot compete with “Gimme.”

The Anti-racism Grift is quite similar to the CLIMATE CHANGE GRIFT

It’s always an emergency, the clock is always ticking, YOU will be the one to sacrifice, and there will always be more to do. Which will never be even CLOSE to enough. Also, the goalposts will move and the terminology will change without notice. Try to keep up. On the first Earth Day, the main concern was A New Ice Age, Acid Rain, and Overpopulation.

Then it became Global Warming and the imminent disappearance of the Polar Ice Cap, Polar Bears and, yes, even Snow! Nevertheless, an “inconvenient fact” was that everywhere Al “Fat Billionaire Climate Scammer” Gore went, it snowed like a toddler maniacally waving a snow globe, proving once again that God DOES have a sense of humor!

Several “final chances” ran out, we were all still here, driving our SUVs, eating steak and running our air conditioners. So the Doomsday Clock was reset time and again. Now, because sometimes it is hot, sometimes, unseasonably cold, the grift is just called “Climate Change.” Billions and gazillions – can you say “Solyndra”? – will find its way from our taxpayer pockets to Super-Grifters as we find ourselves with One Last Chance. I entertained at a conference at which, right before my set, an IPCC “scientist” told a fearful, tearful audience of academics in San Diego that we had just 8 years to save the planet. We must have done something right because that year was 2008. Planet apparently saved itself.