Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll draws on one of her favorite jokes to ask: TIME TO CHANGE CLOTHES? She writes:

Last week I included one of my favorite jokes and readers asked for other favorites. Sadly, because of the amount of time spent around male co-workers and comedians, my repertoire consists largely of jokes that – even euphemized beyond recognition – could not get by either my gentlemanly editor or the Disqus censors that MT Deb refers to as Sister Mary Algorithm.

I am hoping that the following offering is an exception to that as it is the linchpin to my further thoughts today. I first heard this joke from the fellas on a Blue Collar Comedy DVD when, after their individual sets, they were just sitting around on stage telling THEIR favorite jokes.

Many centuries ago, a Spanish capitan in the Armada was sailing with his crew when, in the distance, three pirate ships were spotted. Failing to outrun them, there was no choice but to fight. El Capitan ordered his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”

It was done, he donned the red shirt and led his men into a fierce battle in which he was lightly wounded while two of the pirate ships were sunk and the other run off. “My capitan! My capitan! Why did you call for your red shirt? It inspired the men and we have won the day!” cried his First Mate.

“Well, I feared that I might be wounded and it would demoralize my men, but I hoped the red shirt would hide the blood, which it did. And they kept on fighting.”

Just then, the look-out in the crow’s nest informed the capitan that the surviving pirate ship was returning with eight more ships. The Capitan yelled: “Fetch me my brown pants!”

And I wonder aloud, “Is it getting perilously close to the time for patriots to don our brown pants?”

Let us further ask: if every Constitutional Conservative DID seek to purchase brown pants, where would we go to do so? And, in the answer, we see the extent of the problem. Target? Where men pretending to be women are allowed in a restroom with little girls? Walmart? Where gazillionaires increased their wealth exponentially during the COVID lockdowns because only huge stores were “safe” to visit. Amazon? Suppose you used your phone or computer to search for brown pants? That “insurrectionist” search could be monitored and reported to the Proper Authorities as abuse of – wait for it – “The Children.”

The First Amendment has been toast for quite a while now, since the geniuses who “represent” us passed laws against “hate speech.” Miscreants are fired; bank accounts canceled; GoFundMe attempts disallowed. Recent graduates who majored in Entitlement Studies will let you know if your “misinformation” passes muster on all social media.

The A.M.A. is hard at work on birth certificates that do not designate the sex of the baby. Instead of “Mama” or “Dada” being the first words of the typical baby, we can hope that the first words are the baby’s preferred pronouns.

We have a senile kleptocrat child-sniffer in the White House who cannot memorize a sentence or even read a note, but who confidently assured us just the other day that 350 million Americans have now been vaccinated. Whew! Thank God, THAT’S over!

However, somehow more millions of Americans must be forced to get shots from laid-off Avon salesladies going door to door. Which most definitely does NOT mean the vaccinated can throw out their masks. EVER. Unless…If you are at the Obama birthday party where the COVID cooties cannot catch you because you are so gosh-darned “sophisticated,” no masks are needed. What a shame it would have been to needlessly cover all those beautiful celebrity facelifts! Why, John Legend has been on a People cover as “The Sexiest Man Alive!” Viruses only attack the unattractive, unfamous and unsophisticated like you and me.

Oh, heck, I just remembered another group that gets a pass – in the Brave New Borderless United States – it’s the infected illegals being chauffeured to their free hotels. No forced vaccinations for them! Parcel them out to Texas and Florida and hope that they either kill enough people to flip the states from Red to Blue, or simply outvote them. Talk about “transparency”! Could any evil be more obvious? They are stickin’ it to us, friends.

The litany is long and depressing. I barely scratched the surface. But if we need BOTH our red shirts and our brown pants, then let us put them on today and finally begin – as Senator Rand Paul has suggested – to practice NONCOMPLIANCE. No violence, no trespassing at the Capitol traumatizing the appalling morons blathering therein, just NOT COOPERATING. As the brilliant Candace Owens said on Tucker, “Just live your life.” A defiant act.

Do you remember what it was like to try to pick up a child who did not wish to leave the playground to go home for a nap? Perhaps a more advanced one would kick and attempt to fight back against an adult several times his size, against hopeless odds. But a far more effective way for the toddler to resist was just to go limp and refuse to cooperate with either walking or being picked up. They all seem to know the technique instinctively.

When I was in a lovely old Southern hotel last May, eating breakfast with some commenter-friends, I got up to speak to the bellman about our luggage issues, and on my way back to the table, a double-masked lady just entering the lobby yelled, “Oh, Miss, I must insist that you put on a mask.” To which I just said, “No.” She was at least 25 feet away from me, I had had all my shots and I was not in the mood to be told what to do.

This was not exactly Rosa Parks-level courage, but it has to start somewhere, my friends. My real hope lies with the truck drivers. If comedians or columnists go on a general strike, it has the same effect as Gender Studies professors or phone solicitors not showing up for work. But if goods are not delivered, if toilet paper disappears from the shelves, there’s no food, or, God forbid, the new iPhones do not reach the marketplace, we might have a fighting chance to reclaim America. It will NOT come from the useless cabal currently in Congress.

Give not one penny to the faux-Republican half-wits not even pretending to fight against the 3,000-page monstrosity that will empty out the Treasury. Patronize no craven corporations. ¡Ya basta! Enough! Make the Most Pathetic Elite in the World fetch THEIR brown pants.

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