Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll is RENTING AGAIN! Ms. Grrrll prefaces her column with this note:

Well, this is what happens when one does a “weekly” column. The going story WAS that Hunter Biden paid almost $50,000 a month to rent his Daddy’s house. Now that story has morphed somewhat. MAYBE he paid that money to help a loser girl cousin get housing in California. It seems she put $100,000 worth of makeup on a stolen credit card. Quoi? I have not used $100,000 of makeup in my entire life! Probably not even $1,000 worth.

Anyway, she needed a “fixer” of Biden’s stature to makes the unpleasantness go away. Another story is that the money maybe was rental on office space. Actually none of the stories makes any sense except as some sort of way to move monies around. So, for fun, I am going to go with the original story, even if it has been “debunked” that it was house rental. Think of it as parody, although the doings of the Biden Crime Family have rendered satire and parody inoperable.

With that out of the way, she writes:

For the first 12 years of our marriage, we lived in rental units ranging from several ill-named “efficiency” apartments to a pretty decent flat in San Francisco, to a basement apartment our toddler called “the monkey cave”. In 1979, on the advice of our tax preparer, we finally bought a house that about the best thing you could say about it was, “The mortgage interest is deductible!”

Silly us. We bought the home to LIVE IN not to rent out. And DID – for 35 years! So, imagine how we feel now when we see what you can net if you rent your home to an adult-esque entrepreneurial son! It’s certainly instructive to learn we have been doing it all wrong! Once again, the Biden Crime Family has shown us unimaginative peons the way to generational wealth through obvious and blatant money-laundering!

Why, do you know that when OUR adult son lived in that Maplewood, Minnesota house while we wintered, traveled, and eventually moved to Arizona, WE actually paid HIM a modest stipend to live there rent-free and keep track of things? We felt it was important to have someone to make sure the pipes didn’t freeze or the roof get wrecked from ice-damming. Or at least to CALL someone when it did happen.

What chowderheads we were! Talk about missing the boat! And to think we could have been bringing in $49,000 a MONTH for his renting from US. (Never mind that ONE month’s rent plus change was roughly what the whole 1800 sq ft house had cost in 1979…)

Well, I can learn from my betters, or at least from my richers. Henceforth, I am going to charge Max Cossack, famous author and long-time husband, to rent rooms in my house. Technically, of course, his name is also on the deed, a minor inconvenience. Unless you poo in your partner’s bed like Ms. Heard, the Courts always side with the woman, so I think I’m fine, even though Max IS also an attorney.

I have worked out what I feel is an equitable arrangement because equity, defined as “equal outcomes without regard to effort or merit,” is what I have always been about. I offer plenty good value for his $49,000 a month. He gets his nice office with the built-in desk and floor-to-ceiling bookshelves because nobody, including our beloved and beleaguered housekeeper, can find a way into it.

He gets shared space in the King-sized bed in the Master Bedroom, access to the living room either with written permission or when I need someone to turn on the TV with one of the 15 remotes he maintains just to keep me on my toes.

He gets the “boy bathroom” and he is welcome to it.

He gets to come into the kitchen for a beer or whiskey or light snacks. Otherwise, all meals will be delivered to his office in a DoorDash/Room Service arrangement for a suitable fee plus 20 percent tip and 15 percent delivery fee. Not for nothing have I spent 30 years on the road in my career, learning much from the profit centers in hotels. Remember what it used to cost for one brief phone call in a hotel room? Boy, cellphones really ruined that profitable disgrace.

To prevent his unauthorized entry into either of my two bathrooms, I have installed complicated locks on the doors. Hopefully, I can remember the combinations in time to prevent accidents. Meanwhile, I have also installed a pay toilet in his one and only bathroom. I am going to get rich one dime at a time. And that’s only the beginning.

In this Dream House in Arizona we have a spacious two-car garage. True, part of it is taken up with a built-in gun-cleaning bench that I got for one of my birthdays. But there is still plenty of room left. So I am also going to branch out into Classified Document Storage behind my 2012 Sonata. I have a car with a capacious trunk to hide things both inside the car and behind it. AND I have quite a variety of plastic Walmart bins, some of which are opaque and some of which are clear for that valuable “transparency” lying government hacks are always going on about.

We have a clearly marked bin that stores our New Year’s Eve decorations, noisemakers and somewhat-worse-for-wear pointy hats. We have another bin crammed with paper Passover plates and napkins for everyday use, not The Seder. And yet another bin with random odd-shaped lengths of used gift wrap, ribbons, and Scotch Tape dispensers whose tape has slipped off the cutting-thingy to cleave forever to the roll. We have a fourth bin for blankets to put over landscaping when it’s below freezing. The blankets don’t actually prevent the plants from freezing to death, but they make you feel like at least you tried. Much like the War on Poverty, The War on Drugs, or the three days you did KETO.

So you can only imagine what clever “beards” these marked bins would be for the storage of Classified Documents. If it says “Passover” on the outside of the box, surely the crack FBI Agents would be stopped cold from further investigation, and just “pass over” them, nu?

Oh, did I mention there’s a LOCK on the garage door? And also on the car? So security of the documents would never be any kind of worry. Sure, sometimes the garage door has a mind of its own and goes up and down on a whim, but a document thief would have to be standing RIGHT THERE when it happened to gain access. What are the chances?

Sometimes sports figures will be taunted by fans in the stands with a banner that asks: “Who’s your Daddy?” I submit that it should be updated now to “Who’s your Big Guy?” Now, to me, if you are already bringing in $83,000 a month from Burisma, and who knows how much from Russia, and China, that $49,000 a month would not be too burdensome. It would still leave you $34,000 a month for drugs, hookers, stripper child support, and Top Ramen.

I believe that WHATEVER the “rent” went for, the $49,000 represents The Big Guy’s 10 percent. See, I remember my 9th grade Algebra which some people falsely claimed we would never need again after high school. And solving for “x,” if $49,000 a month is just 10 percent of all the ill-gotten gain this treasonous cartel of influence-peddlers made in a month, that would be an actual Biden Crime Family income of $490,000 a month. Let’s just call it a cool half million. That we know about. Suh-weet. And I bet just the tip of a very dirty iceberg in danger of melting from Climate Change or the slightest act of random journalism from the legacy media.

In the cynical lyric of the song “Oxford Town,” Bob Dylan writes, “Somebody better investigate soon.” I think Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, and Jen Rubin are all available for a Blue Ribbon Committee. Is Robert Mueller still alive? He did a crackerjack job last time. Hey, they’re ALL “Republicans”! How could that possibly be biased?