Thoughts from the ammo line

The answer is not “long time passing.” Ammo Grrrl wonders WHERE HAVE ALL THE BABIES GONE? She writes:

If people are expecting my take on the wretched events of last week, you’re going to be disappointed. First, there is nothing even mildly humorous to say about them and “humor” is my beat. Second, I’m not a lawyer. John and Scott and our lawyer commentariat have covered it so much better than I ever could and plenty of even left-liberal lawyers have weighed in to call it the travesty of a sham of a disgrace that it was. Third, it depresses me into a state close to catatonia and who needs that? Finally, there are even scarier things to comment upon!

Recently, I watched Michael Smerconish’s Saturday morning show on CMM. Yeah, don’t stop reading because of CNN. He is very much a “center-right” independent whom I respect. For one thing, he sued ghoul abortionist Kermit Gosnell. And for another, he got “disinvited” as a commencement speaker at Dickinson College for some years-old mild criticism of Holy Affirmative Action. Anyway, he posted the speech he WOULD have given. It was an excellent speech and I will write about it at a later time.

Not only that, but I just love SAYING “Smerconish.” What a great name. Wiki says his parents hailed from Galicia. Okey-dokey. I assumed it morphed from my Irish homies where it went from Smirk O’Nish to its current form as Smerconish.

His topic was the worldwide – but especially in the U.S. – hostility to forming families and having babies, a wholly unnatural state of affairs. Unique in all of human history, really. Even people who survived the Holocaust – who would have had every reason never to bring a child into this treacherous world – embraced life and made new Jews. Israel is possibly THE most child-friendly place on earth.

The Undisputed King of Humor Columns — Dave Barry — titled a chapter of one of his books “Children: Big Mistake…or Bad Idea?,” but it is clear from every word he has written that his son and daughter are his life. He is KIDDING.

I remember decades ago – late 60s, I think – Ann Landers asked readers of her advice column to weigh in on the question: “Knowing what you know now about parenting, would you have opted to have children?” and, to her – and my — astonishment, 75 percent said NO. But even Ann herself thought that the people who had had negative experiences would have been more motivated to vote on the question. Still…it was depressing.

I will just out myself right off the bat as a baby fanatic! When Joe and I started dating seriously, we had a little hard Marlboro box (not unlike the Jewish National Fund) that we called The Baby Fund and we solicited spare change from our friends. It was mostly a goof, but we were both very serious about wanting a big family. I think we may have saved well over $10.00 in small coins in that little box, so no worries and bring on the babies!

My Daddy came from a family of six kids and from childhood on it was my plan to see if I could beat Grandma’s record. Like in so many areas — carefree weight control to name just one — God had other plans. So I ended up thrilled and grateful that I was able to carry one pregnancy to term and raise a wonderful little boy, a Joe/Max clone. Everybody who saw him as a newborn said approximately the same thing: Paternity Suit: Exhibit A! I definitely remember doing the vast majority of the heavy lifting, but I couldn’t really prove any genetic influence until he developed his sense of humor!

Unlike the loony baby-haters who loathe us breeders, I have nothing AGAINST any woman who decides to be child-free and I have nothing but sympathy for those who wanted children and couldn’t have them. Several of my closest women friends have never had children. They are all smart, accomplished, funny, kind and generous and – IMHO – there’s not a one of them who would not have made a fabulous mother. But, again, it was not to be for a variety of complicated reasons, happenstances, and life decisions.

The Baby Drought has gotten so serious in South Korea that the government is offering $75,000 to couples to produce a baby! But here Heaven forfend that a football player who is a devoted Catholic husband and daddy should encourage Catholic students at a Catholic college to marry a Catholic and have Catholic children. The nerve of the man!!

The firestorm of rancor, obscenity, and just plain foolishness that fell upon Harrison Butker showed once and for all that “a woman’s right to choose” was always a crock. The ONLY acceptable “choice” for the leftist fanatics is to kill babies in utero – preferably as far into the pregnancy as possible just because they CAN. The choice to be a wife and mother was never accorded any dignity or respect since feminism reared its ugly head.

Mr. Smerconish had a woman economist on (Dr. Melissa Kearney) who was careful to express her respect for some people’s “concern” about “climate Change” and their meshuggah notion that maybe Gaia would be better off with fewer people. And, of course, she never once mentioned abortion.

Abortion as a cause for the Baby Deficit was the giant elephant in the room and yet it never came up in the discussion. Abortion has been legal for about 50 years with the tragic result of a million missing babies a year. To paraphrase the late, great Everett Dirksen in the famous quote attributed to him about the federal budget: “A billion here, a billion there. It adds up!” Well, fifty million missing babies add up too. Those original babies could have become parents themselves, and by now, even grandparents.

Instead, the economist cited young women’s lack of interest in family-building as “shifting priorities,” such as developing a “career” and also having lots of leisure time and two-income money to enjoy it. Of course, those are pieces of the puzzle as well.

Nonetheless, Dr. Kearney was still extremely concerned about the effect of the baby deficit on future Social Security, employment, and “who will take care of us in our old age”? I mean, having no babies not only means that you can’t move into a little mother-in-law apartment in your kid’s home when you are old or disabled, but you won’t even be able to find caregivers to wheel you to Bingo in your Assisted Living place.

Mr. Smerconish mentioned worldwide reports that young people are not dating and a survey by the CDC of some 17,000 young people claimed young people were not even having sex! My faith in anything said by the CDC is minimal. And recalling my own thrall to teenage hormones, I am skeptical of these reports – but what do I know? In any event, young people report having scant interest in marriage, children, and even the activity that creates them. A small but significant portion of young people are mutilating themselves permanently such that reproduction will never even be an option.

A few years ago I read an article about a wealthy, handsome playboy who never dated the same woman twice. He did exactly what HE wanted to do every minute and had an inexhaustible supply of women volunteering to be sexual partners. Now I suspect that here we have some breakdown of reactions by “gender.” Maybe some fellas would think this was Nirvana. But I found it one of the saddest articles I had ever read, and it has nothing to do with prudery.

Who in the world wants to live without love? Without that special person who takes care of you, who knows you with all your “issues” and loves you anyway, who drives you crazy sometimes, but without whom you would just be existing, not living? It is kind of a closely guarded secret, but in my opinion from the men friends I have known, men need love and marriage even more than women – and women need them a lot!

So what gives with the rejection of babies, who are not only the cutest, sweetest, most fun little critters you can find but, truth to tell, not much more trouble than puppies!? You don’t even have to take them outside in July in Arizona or January in Minnesota to walk them and wait for them to eliminate! They can eliminate at will, any time, any place, much like Biden.

If you are so inclined, you can feed them from your own body for several months! Like puppies, they can be taught to roll over and sit and they react with exactly the same level of compliance as puppies to the command, “Stay.” As for “fetch,” it’s probably going to be a draw, with whatever items are thrown covered with slobber — if they are ever returned.

Of all people, Elon Musk, object of envy and hatred across a broad political spectrum, has spoken out vociferously to urge people to “get busy” and create some babies. He is surely leading the way with what? — eight now? Sure, he’s a tad eccentric, and the kids have weird names, but certainly no weirder than Dweezil, Moon Unit, Apple, or North.

I traveled to 46 of the 57 states (hat tip: Barry O) to do comedy, got countless standing ovations, had a sold-out one-woman show at the prestigious Guthrie Theatre in Minneapolis; made a decent pile o’ money – not childless Oprah money, but enough — and NOTHING, not one thing, compared to the joy of being a mother. Okay, maybe the Minnesota Twins’ ’87 World Series victory, but that’s IT. And that was mostly because it was such a thrill for Joe/Max and our son to use the four tickets I had acquired to every home game.

Babies: fun to make, fun to raise, fun to send out into the world in the hopes that they will repay you with grandchildren! In my case, sadly, the ship has sailed for having MORE babies, but for any young women within the sound of my keyboard, do NOT forgo this life-altering, peak experience if you can help it. Not JUST because your country needs you – but because it’s just so darn much fun! Sure, it involves diapers, teething, and years-long exhaustion. But just wait till you hear your baby’s first word: DA-DA.

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