Ammo Grrrll has forwarded her timely Q & A WITH THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE. She writes:
Dear DNC:
If being a person who identifies as a woman and whose skin tone is a color other than white is a GOOD, EVEN HISTORIC thing, wouldn’t TWO people assigned at birth to be women of beige-ocity have been an even MORE wonderful MORE HISTORICAL thing? So why didn’t Kamala choose another Black woman instead of a fat white guy? Cori Bush is currently available to travel and comes with her own bodyguard. I’m pretty sure she isn’t Jewish (but you never really know because Jews are very cunning) and is not related to George Bushitler.
Fierce Feminist Loon with Virtue-Signaling Keffiyah
Dear Fierce:
We are always happy to hear from our supporters who don the Hate Rag in Solidarity. We appreciate your suggestions and we are excited to say such plans are being laid. Just you wait till 2028 when Cuddly Tampon Tim will be tasked with putting feminine hygiene products in the boys’ restroom in every school in America and The Territories and Ilhan Omar will be subbed in as Vice President because WE decide what is legal and Constitutional. Did you know that you don’t even legally have to be a LAWYER to be on the Supreme Court? You can look it up! Whoopi has expressed an interest! If she can also stay on The View. Otherwise, she would have to take a really big pay-cut.
The DNC
Dear DNC:
I have recently read about cash payments of $1500 to “influencers” to say nice things about Not-At-All-Weird Kamala and Cuddly Tim. Is that stipend per nice thing or just a one-time shot? Frankly, I could use even the $1500 as I am but a poor pensioner in a volunteer job.
I write a weekly column that has run for over 10 years. In that time, I have garnered around five to seven hundred commenters each week! I have influenced them to sit all day Friday and far into the evening to post comments.
Okay, full disclosure, it’s more like 30 commenters each of whom comments 20 times, including myself, and sometimes my husband, the famous novelist Max Cossack. But think what a treasure trove this would be of people with a LOT of time on their hands and a track record of relentless determination!
Ammo Grrrll, Influence Peddler
Dear Influence Peddler:
Thank you for your interest in our “Pay For Pretend Support” Program. That program is not open to Geezer-Americans, but is intended for hip cool people who influence Low Information Voters. Often these “influencers” have several million “followers,” which would be far greater than the pathetic numbers you reference. But thanks for your interest. We will keep your resume on file. Count on it.
DNC
Dear DNC:
Haha, SMOD, LOL, and SMH. You are suggesting that I am neither hip nor cool when I speak fluent Text Abbreviations and also am handy with emojis? Now it’s true that when I speak aloud I do not end every sentence on an up note? As though I am perpetually asking approval of what I have just said? Because I think I would have to shoot myself if I did? Right? If you feel me.
Also, I don’t have a SmartPhone, a keffiyah, or know how to pay for things by swiping that stupid square thing with my C+ style phone. But, perhaps most damning, many of the people I influence are NOT Low Information Voters and know considerably more than I do. Dangit. I sure could have used the money, or as us hip cool peeps say, “the Benjamins!”
Do you have any need for a person who can think up funny ad campaigns? I will give you just two on spec:
HARRIS & WALZ: NEITHER ONE IS A JEW!!
HARRIS & WALZ: Wake Up and Smell the Burning Tires!
Ammo Grrrll, Ad-Writing Influencer Peddler
Dear Ad-Writing Influencer Peddler:
Unfortunately, all those positions are filled. But, as we have mentioned, we will keep your resume on file. If we can get it back from the FBI, TSA, and Homeland Security. Do you, by chance, know Tulsi Gabbard? Do you still live at 4032 W. Indigent Lane in Itzadryheat, AZ, is your phone number 520-555-9999, and is your somewhat unimpressive Wells Fargo Bank Account still 43-203-999? Meager as that account is, it would be a shame if it were cancelled.
DNC
DEAR DNC:
Let’s suppose – HYPOTHETICALLY — that a certain joyous, wonderful, even historic candidate for President made a teeny tiny mistake and somehow when her campaign was floating along on a placid sea of media driven orgasmic enthusiasm over her muted melanin, her plumbing, and her newly-minted positions, yet to be articulated, that her Party threw her a bleeping ANVIL in the form of a running mate!
Let’s further suppose that that Party did not make even the most feeble attempt to bleeping VET this alleged combat VET and instead read only what the Demo-bleeping-crat PRESS had said about him in Deep Blue Minnie-bleeping-apolis. What would be the remedies available to someone who was already installed in the first known coup in American history to dump this fat weird pale loser?
Is the Eagleton deal a precedent? The hypothetical candidate I have in mind did not pass the California Bar on the first go and has no idea. I’m pretty sure that nutbag Tubby Tampon Tim has probably had therapy at some time in his life…whaddya think?
“Hamala Karris”
DEAR HAMALA:
You’re bleeped.
DNC
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