The Week In Pictures
December 2, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Time for another tour of the current scene by way of charts and graphs that have been piling up on my computer. • Let’s start with COVID trends. We keep getting told by the media and the “experts” that European countries are dealing with COVID so much better than we are, because Europeans!, and Orange Man Bad. But then how come: A larger view: • Mark Perry strikes again at
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November 28, 2020 — Steven Hayward
By now we’re supposed to be clear of our tryptophan-induced post-turkey coma, which, come to think of it, previews the comatose future of a prospective Biden Administration. With John Kerry holding a cabinet-level position, I suspect the first cabinet meeting might last until next Thanksgiving, or at least to Biden’s new favorite liturgical holiday, Psalm Sunday. Headlines of the week: And finally. . . Ashley St. Clair:
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November 21, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Look folks, there’s an easy way around the government ban on having a traditional Thanksgiving feast with friends and family. Hold a protest against colonialist oppression instead! As we know, protests are exempt from the rules, and are “scientifically” proven to pose lower risk of COVID spread than, say, a MAGA meetup or a motorcycle rally in Sturgis. It’s foolproof (necessary when dealing with government fools these days): just make
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November 14, 2020 — Steven Hayward
What this post-election season needs is not more cowbell, but a Paul Dooley-style “recount!” moment. We may have to settle for extra giant turkeys for Thanksgiving instead, just to mess with the heads of our overstuffed turkey police monitoring our gravy and stuffing for indicators we aren’t locking ourselves down enough. Strap in: extra long politics section today. Headlines of the week: And finally. . .
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November 7, 2020 — Steven Hayward
I know we are all shocked—shocked! —that there might be vote fraud in heavily Democratic cities, and one wonders why they can’t run their public schools as well as they run their vote-generating machines. I suspect within six months, President Sleepy Joe will say to the Democrat vote-generating machine, “Thanks for nuthin’ gang,” and call up Trump to offer to give the White House back. Headlines of the week: And finally.
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October 31, 2020 — Steven Hayward
This year the trick is on all of us, in the form of “two-weeks-to-flatten-the-curve” turning into a year-long treat for authoritarian bureaucrats and other “experts.” Thus the dilemma for anyone hosting trick-or-treaters tonight: is that cadaver-costumed kid trying to look like Joe Biden on purpose or . . . is that Joe Biden? Very hard to tell this year. And if you think people out after dark in costumes and
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October 24, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Scene: a Hollywood pitch meeting. The idea: a sitcom starring the son of a former vice president now running for president himself, rooming with a bloviating cable news “lawyer-commentator” who wants in on the son’s hookers and blow action. Every few minutes a sock puppet pops up from behind the couch and asks, “What’s going on here?” A second sock puppet labeled “NPR” pops up to say, “Nothing to see
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October 17, 2020 — Steven Hayward
The most obvious thing we learned this week is that Judge Amy Coney Barrett’s blank notepad is smarter that all the Senate Democrats put together. Has there ever been a more eloquent and effective smackdown of political posturing than a blank notepad? In future discussions of jurisprudence among law professors, we might well think to observe that “this is the greatest assemblage of legal thinking since Amy Coney Barrett’s blank
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October 10, 2020 — Steven Hayward
So forget the old saying, “Oh to be a fly on the wall.” After this week, we all want to be a fly on Mike Pence’s head. Of course, there are two theories about this. One is, the fly was a Deep State nanobot designed to interfere with Pence’s brain waves and mess him up in the debate. The other theory is that is was a Trump campaign nanobot to
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October 3, 2020 — Steven Hayward
I think I know what’s really going on. Over at KAOS headquarters (otherwise known as Trump Tower), the show runners were recalling the palmy days of the Access Hollywood tape four years ago, when everyone said IT’S OVER!—PUT PENCE AT THE TOP OF THE TICKET NOW! The attempted sequel—the Melania Tapes—bombed, so someone said, “I’ve got it! Let’s go with COVID! Yeah, that’s the ticket!” Headlines of
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September 26, 2020 — Steven Hayward
In almost one-third of the days of September, the Biden campaign has called a “lid”—meaning no further events or candidate appearances—by 9 am in the morning. People used to joke that Ronald Reagan was only a 9 to 5 president, with a nap after lunch. (Not true: he was usually answering personal correspondence.) Is Biden going to be an 9 – 1o am president? And has Kamala Harris been put
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September 19, 2020 — Steven Hayward
From the Washington Post: “Recent polls showing President Trump’s inroads with Latinos have set off a fresh round of frustration and finger-pointing among Democrats, confirming problems some say have simmered for months.” So what do you do? You have Sleepy Joe slow-roll the Macarena or something. “Despacito” sounds close enough to desperado to work? Why not? Slow Joe probably thinks of it as a Corny Pop song. Meanwhile, let’s start
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September 12, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Since it is the convention to speak of presidential election campaigns like horse races, we’ve reached the far turn before the homestretch. Biden is still sitting inside on the pole, but is tiring. Trump is coming up fast on the outside. The track is sloppy. The odds are narrow. The stands are starting to fill up. Photo finish ahead? Headlines of the week: And finally . . . Lauren Boebert
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September 5, 2020 — Steven Hayward
So, Nancy Pelosi is having the Bad Hair Day from Hell right now, because she was set up by a cabal of Trump-supporting hairdressers in . . . (checks notes) . . . San Francisco? That sounds about as implausible as CNN reporting a story accurately, or a liberal Democrat telling the truth about President Trump. Meanwhile, a Kennedy actually lost an election in Massachusetts, showing that Trump really is
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August 29, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Anybody remember years ago when the 7-Up people marketed their clear cola as the “un-cola”? Well this week we got the GOP “Un-Convention,” a format that was not really a convention, but which showed, in contrast to the Democrats’ Zoom-a-Thon last week, that the supposed advantage of having Hollywood talent on your side doesn’t actually count for much. And how nice of all those “spontaneous” and “mostly peaceful” pro-Trump rallies
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August 22, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Hi everybody! Emily Litella here. Say, I’m confused. I kept hearing all week that it was the 100th anniversary of ending all-male voting. But then I keep hearing Democrats demand that we have an all-male election in November. But there are no male boxes because Trump has locked them up in cages at the border. Are male boxes just individuals with a cervix? I’m sure Joe Biden can explain the
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August 15, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Anything of note happen this week? I’ve actually been distracted by things. I hear Joe Biden has selected the next President of the United States. Very nice of him to do it for us; saves us the trouble of a nomination contest and such. I hear the going rate for food tasters has gone up sharply over the last 72 hours. Funny, with so many restaurants closed down you’d think
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