As president and commander in chief, President Obama leaves something to be desired. As therapist in chief of the Muslim world, he also leaves something to be desired.
So what if the Muslim contribution to science, math and engineering, whatever it was, occurred in the distant past? Given the position of these contributions in the recesses of time, prominently placed Americans can exaggerate them without fear of contradiction. Brilliant!
But let us not get lost in the mists of the distant past. The contemporary Muslim world has made its own contribution to civilization. It has given us the explosive vest. It has also given us the improvised explosive device. It has not ceased in its efforts to perfect the destructive power of these devices.
And to go along with these accomplishments it has given us new twists in the field of suicide bombing that have inflicted great damage on Muslims and infidels alike. Who needs NASA when you have this kind of material to work with?
Among those giving serious thought to NASA’s mission in the age of Obama are Mona Charen and the editors of Investor’s Business Daily. Only Sultan Knish, however, has revealed NASA’s new plan for Muslims in outer space. Let those who would mock demonstrate their superficiality.
The NASA plan revealed by Sultan Knish comes in the form of a letter from NASA to President Obama. It includes five projects that will obviously do much to attract the Muslim world. Consider, for example, Project Two (“throw things on the Jews”):
While we have been making efforts to reach out to Muslim countries and engage them in purely peaceful space exploration, our preliminary finding is that their main interest in space is to get into space in order to, and I quote, “Throw Things Down on the Jews”. And Muslim technological developments in rocketry and launch vehicles such as Saddam’s Space Gun “Big Babylon” and Iran’s nuclear weapons programs all have the common aim of “Throwing Things Down on the Jews”.
We at NASA believe that the best way to interest Muslims in space is to convince them of its potential for “Throwing Things at the Jews”, but in a way that benefits all of mankind, and doesn’t lead to any loss of life. As you may possibly know (or would if you did something besides golf and spend money all day) Earth is at risk of one day being struck by an asteroid that could potentially wipe out all life on the planet.
Utilizing your brilliant suggestion that we “go land on an asteroid”, we plan to send an automated vehicle to an asteroid and deposit an Israel flag on an asteroid that may one day hit Earth. We are confident that the Muslim world will immediately step up and join forces with us to develop long range weapons capable of hitting that asteroid. Particularly if we also leave a tape player on its surface blasting, “Hava Nagilla”.
Not only will this provide Earth with a poorly aimed global defense network against falling rocks from the sky, but it will also hopefully prevent rockets from being fired at schools, instead of into space where they belong.
With strategic thinking like this, I’m wondering why the folks at NASA (if not Sultan Knish) aren’t being put in charge of GM and Chrysler.