I’m still getting the hang of Twitter (my latest contribution: “Carnivale in Brazil is like the Tournament of Roses Parade on LSD”), but for now I think the best Twitter feed around—and reason enough to join or follow—is the feed that supposedly comprises elevator gossip and quips from the hallowed halls of Goldman Sachs (featuring Goldman CEO Lloyd Bankfein in the photo thumbnail):
Now that I have almost 200k followers, it’s probably a good time to tell you about Amway.
#1: Obama wants to raise taxes on people making $250k a year. #2 (laughs): Why is he raising taxes on the poor?
#1: I already know I’m going to Hell. So, at this point it’s go big or go home.
#1: Being held accountable for selling Indonesian corporate bonds is like getting busted for prescribing OxyContin in Hollywood.
#1: Guys who mime golf swings in the office never break 100 on the course.
#1: If you buy into a Greek austerity deal, then I know a stripper who’ll still like you even when you run out of cash.
#1: The biggest lie my mom ever told me was that drinking is only an acceptable hobby for poor people.
[classic] #1: If Robert Kardashian hadn’t gotten OJ off, eventually one of his daughters would have.
#1: I never thought about shorting this market here. But now that I’m hearing ‘Four more years”, I just might.
#1: They went after Milken with a RICO but Corzine gets nothing? #2: That’s M-F’ed up.
#1: Texting is ebonics for white kids.
#1: Hey, do you have change for a $20? #2: $20’s are change, bro.
#1: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs.
#1: Lately, I don’t even call it a hangover anymore. Its just the morning.
[Classic] #1: Blacking out is just your brain clearing it’s browser history.
#1: Every time I fly first class to Miami, I feel like I just saved $30,000.
#1: Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.
#1: Banks paid back all the bailout money with interest. Remind me again when the unions paid back the auto bailout?
#1: It’s sweet how my wife thinks the silent treatment is a punishment for me.
#1: Europe is starting to make African leaders look competent.
#1: I measure how hammered I am by my ability to recite every line from ‘Caddyshack.’
#1: Rick Perry has single-handedly proven Darwin wrong. #2: And he would take that as a compliment.
#1: Obama is aging fast enough for Morgan Freeman to play him in a movie.
#1: If I were single and always sober, I wouldn’t need to password lock my iPhone.
#1: Mitt Romney would be the kid who tries to run out the clock in Madden football.
Skirt #1: Newt’s an angry, smug, condescending philanderer. Suit #1: I know. He’s awesome.
#1: Most Brits aren’t gay, but their socks are.
#1: I always thought he was a closeted homosexual. #2: It’s possible that he’s just a closeted European.
#1: I don’t care how into the environment she says she is. No chick wants to be picked up in a Chevy Volt.
There’s lots more, but most of them are R-rated.