Thoughts from the ammo line

This week we celebrate with Ammo Grrrll the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of this column. She writes:

Hey, fans, Top Commenters, trolls and friends! Guess what? This is the First Anniversary of Thoughts From the Ammo Line! The first column debuted on March 30th, 2014.

I had been standing in the ammo line at Walmart for hundreds of hours over the year-long ammo drought, with plenty of time to chat with the other shooters and to fill the long hours with anecdotes, political discussions, jokes of questionable (OK, bad) taste, and lots of gun talk. As a woman, in the arts, from Deep Blue Minnesota, and Jewish to boot, by rights and demographic stereotype, I should be a gun-hatin’, Obama-votin’, social justice warrior.

But — and I know this comes as a surprise to regular readers — I’m not. In fact, the night Obama was elected in 2008, I was so upset that when Ohio and Indiana (Et tu, Indiana?!!) electoral votes went to Obama, I drove most of the night to be in a Red State on my way from Minnesota to wintering in Palm Springs. I had to go all the way to Oklahoma, where not only did the state go Republican, but every county did. Mr. Ammo Grrrll, who would fly out to join me later, went to an Election Night “party” with other non-Obamabots. When people asked “Where is your wife?” he said, “Gone. To a Red State, she said.” “No, really, where is she?” “Gone. Really.” Ammo Grrrll doesn’t take disappointment well.

When two years later, we moved to Arizona, and I became an avid target shooter, it occurred to me that the two friends I had at Power Line (John and Scott) might be interested in a humor column from that perspective. Power Line had been my go-to sanity keeper for nigh unto ten years. (And what a debt of gratitude we all owe them!) It was particularly fun when John fell in love with shooting too.

I emailed my introductory column to Scott just to see if he was maybe, possibly, interested and within – as The Gropester would say — “literally” — three minutes, he had posted it! Oopsy daisy. Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it.

That was fifty-two columns ago, give or take. (Without a doubt, a commenter will count them and they may only total 51.) Frankly, I don’t know how the Power Line boys do it, three, four items apiece a day, because one a week is tough enough for me.

I am very fortunate to hang out with a number of witty people: Mr. Ammo Grrrll, The Paranoid Texan, Angela, Bonnie, Heather, and others. When comics hang out, they are very guarded about coming up with too many good quips lest your fellow comics say, “Hey, that’s funny. You gonna use that or can I have it?” With my friends, whose professions don’t require an endless supply of good lines, I feel I have carte blanche to just shamelessly steal anything funny they say. In exchange, I provide my World Famous Deviled Eggs, Awesomely Good Chili, Melt-in-Your-Mouth Brisket, and a casserole so wonderful Angela calls it Turkey-Crack Casserole.

My motto: Will cook for funny material. And also provide liquor.

One of my great life lessons is that everything – and I do mean everything – is harder than it looks. Especially as a guest columnist on somebody else’s site, I try very hard to hit “center mass” every time. But, in life, as in target shooting, sometimes you spray and pray.

To say that I appreciate the support of you commenters would be to understate the matter considerably. Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes in standup, people would come up to me and compliment me on my set and then say: “I bet you get tired of hearing that, huh?” To which I would always answer, “No, actually, we don’t.” I’d like to list my favorite commenters but the list would be long and I’d be afraid of leaving someone out.

And so, on we go to the next 52. I hope to continue to brighten your Fridays. The only downside of a once-weekly column is that I can’t always be terribly current. Forgive me. I had a really funny (IMHO) Top 10 List of Reasons Why Obama Didn’t Go to Paris written on a Sunday, but by the time Friday rolled around (particularly slowly that week it seemed), other columnists, bloggers, and even witty commenters had come close enough to most of my jokes to make them look stolen and stale. I asked Scott to sub in a different column. Oh, well. Civilization will survive without that piece.

Oh, also, my goal is to really get in shape this year and exchange the ancient photo by my column with one of me in a gun porn pose like Steve puts at the end of his awesome Week in Pictures post. (A crane shot from sniper distance.) I don’t look exactly like some of those ladies, but at least I could demonstrate proper gun safety. It has come to my attention that very few of you gentlemen even care that the lady is often exercising very poor trigger discipline. Crikey, sometimes you don’t even notice she has a gun. You might change your mind if you were in front of her; but then, from what I know of men, you might be willing to take that risk and just die happy. :o)

God Bless Us, every one. Thanks again. See you next Friday, God willing and the creek don’t rise.

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