Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll thinks she may have more in store after GET A GRIP: A SERIES! Part I – Plumberphobia. She writes:

With the nationwide leftist psychotic break, my “GET A GRIP” Series could run through at least 2018. Today’s topic, which does not come from The Onion, has attracted quite a bit of comment on the Internet, but even though I am late to the party, I don’t feel anyone has come at it from my perspective. Google the story. Liberal meltdowns never get old.

Evidently there is a new phobia loose in the world, but one that will never be included in our Basket of Deplorables. Yes, friends, I am speaking of “plumberphobia,” the vague anxiety turned to full-blown terror that the white man with a southern accent whom you invite to unclog your sink probably voted for President Trump and, therefore, MAY scope out that you are Jewish and kill you on the spot with a plunger. If you are lucky. Maybe he’ll just drown you in your own clogged sink or, God forbid, toilet!

Do you think I am making this up? Let ThinkProgress Senior Editor Ned Resnikoff tell it in his own pathetic words from his Facebook page: “I have no reason to believe that [the plumber] was a Trump supporter or an anti-Semite, but in my uncertainty, I couldn’t shake the sense of potential danger. I was rattled for some time after. He was a middle-aged white man with a southern accent who seemed unperturbed by this week’s [Trump election] news. And while I had him in the apartment, I couldn’t stop thinking about whether he had voted for Trump, whether he knew my last name is Jewish, and how that knowledge might change the interaction we were having inside my own home.

“… today was a reminder that ambiguous social interactions now feel unsafe and unpredictable in a way that they never did before. And even if Trump is gone in four years, I don’t expect to ever reclaim that feeling of security. That’s just one more thing you voted for, if you voted for Trump.”

To hear a fellow Jew say something so mind-numbingly stupid, bigoted, and embarrassingly pussified stirs up in me a combination of mortification and despair.

Mr. Resnikoff, Ned, sweetie, congrats on the WASP-y first name you mention you feel may save you from Plumbers Gone Wild. May it protect you like a chamza against all the anti-Semites that might darken your doorstep, mainly, pro-Palestinian student “activists” and professors, jihadis, leftists of all stripes, U.N. Aficionados, Euro-trash bigots, John Kerry, Susan Rice, and Barack Hussein Obama and the people who voted for them.

As it must say somewhere in the Torah: Fear not your plumber. A white guy with a Southern accent is very likely not just a generic gentile, but an actual Christian, and as such, a stronger supporter of Israel than many secular Jews you know. Sad.

Let me tell you what I do here in the Wild West to ward off any scary, potential anti-Semites who might come into my home in the guise of guys (felicitous phrase, that!) who install my new water heater or build and install my bookshelves, or do my landscaping.

First of all, Mr. AG was irate that you, Mr. Resnikoff, even made your plumber wonder whether or not you were Jewish. “Put a mezzuzah on your door, you little coward” he yelled over his Tablet and into his oatmeal. Breakfast can be a less tranquil time if Mr. AG is agitated.

We have mezzuzot on the doorposts of our house, as we are commanded in Deuteronomy. So that pretty much gives our Jewishness away right out of the box. Virtually all of my workmen have asked “what is that thing on your door?” and I explain about the commandment and also that it is to bring God’s protection to the household. Without exception – Mormons, Catholics, evangelicals – they understand. Far from expressing any hostility, many have shared various traditions of their own, from candles or crosses, to rosaries and statues. Unlike the Democratic convention booing God (and Israel), a large percentage of sane people actually seek God’s blessings and protection.

My workmen also see our vast collection of Jewish and Hebrew books, art, and Judaica in the form of candle holders for the Sabbath and beautiful menorahs. They never fail to admire them, displayed on the new bookshelves, alternating with “Southwestern” pottery.

Now, in addition to being “out and proud” Jews, not cowering in fear that someone with a southern accent will kill us, I also have a sign in my office that I found in a little mom-and-pop store in New Mexico. It says this:

“GUNS ARE WELCOME ON PREMISES. Please keep all weapons holstered unless need arises. In such case, judicious marksmanship is appreciated.”

This usually leads to a spirited discussion of what guns we own, what guns we carry, what guns we are saving up for, and a chance to show off some of my targets.

My “bug guy” – and EVERYONE in Arizona has a bug guy for the termites, scorps, crickets and General Insect Sanctuary that is Arizona – is particularly fond of the metal joke sign in my garage when he sprays there. It is headed “Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns to Women.” Number 2 is “You can trade in an old .44 for two .22s.” and #8 is “A gun never asks if these grips make me look fat.” There are others that are Not as Safe For Work.

So what do you suppose these workmen might think? “Heck, she’s just like me! She’s not politically correct or looking to be offended, she clings to guns, and God. Plus, she pays well and feeds us any time we are there over fifteen minutes. She offers us a beer in the summertime. Also, she has a sense of humor.” I’m thinking of putting up one of those safety signs they have on factory floors: “2,455 Days Without Being Slain By A Redneck Workman!”

So, Mr Resnikoff, I’m begging you: Grow a pair, get a gun, or both. Failing that, do your own damn plumbing. And put up a mezzuzah so I can eat breakfast in peace.

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