Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll waves BYE BYE, WALMART, BYE BYE. She writes:

Et tu, Walmart? Seriously? Do you have no idea who your customer base is?

Well, whatever. I’m done. It’s a shame, too, because Walmart is the definite Big Dog shopping emporium in our Dusty Little Village. For groceries, I have two other choices in town, one of which I have always preferred anyway: Bashas. It is a pleasant, to-scale kind of local place with good meat and produce, sun screens over parking, the most customer-friendly cashiers, and slightly higher prices on canned goods. So be it. I’m willing to pay a few extra bucks for my principles. And one of my main principles is that I do not enjoy being taken advantage of without at least being treated to dinner first. (That’s as gently as I can express it…) For stuff like household goods, we also have a second option called Fry’s.

The hurt comes more from the betrayal than the lack of availability for more ammo. Barring the complete collapse of society and the ensuing cannibalism advocated by climatistas, I’m good for the duration ammo-wise. (As perfectly as my thighs would work into the currently popular KETO paradigm – 70% fat, 25% protein – no hungry post-apocalyptic weather wuss is going to get a crack at them as long as I have one box of .45s left.)

And though I have spent, literally, tens of thousands of dollars in Walmart, not even COUNTING the thousands of dollars on ammo alone, I understand that my contribution will not be missed. The Walton family heirs will survive with their tens of billions (with a B) intact, never once querying: “Where the heck is Ammo Grrrll? And her Visa?”

The Kneeling NFL does not miss me on Sundays and the feeling is mutual. Hollywood does not care that I do not watch their loathsome movies.

But I wish I had a dollar for every time I had defended Walmart to the liberal scolds who “would never set foot in that place.” Telling them that the average working class family saves about $2500 a year on groceries and other necessities never cut any ice with them. Neither did reminding them that, especially in a place like rural Minnesota, it is very stressful shlepping two small children in snowsuits from store to store. Walmart – to a lesser extent Target – is truly one-stop shopping.

Now I guess we get to choose between enriching the CEOs who want men in the restrooms with your little girls and the CEOs who won’t sell you what you need to exercise your constitutional right to defend yourself. Funny how the Golden-Parachuted crowd always drifts to soft landings behind armed guards and gated mansions. There are never real consequences for the boneheaded corporate decisions they make.

I will go to one of several local gun shops for ammo or order off the Internet. Hopefully, they will have a lot of the new Joe Biden-endorsed Barney Fife Model Magazines that hold one round only. Don Knotts, of course, used to carry his single bullet in his shirt pocket, but in a dust-up with a cartel member – lookouts for the cartels camp a couple miles from us in the Arizona hills – a single bullet will surely come in handy.

Joe Biden is quite the expert on home defense. He instructed his wife, the highly-credentialed DR. Jill Biden, in the event of an intruder, to “walk out with that double barrel shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house.” Yes, indeedy, there’s a plan, fully HOA-compliant.

This excellent advice of randomly firing a shotgun off your back porch — in synch with his randomly-firing synapses – was even improved upon in an interview he later gave to Field and Stream Magazine in which he recommended that one should just go ahead and fire the shotgun THROUGH the door. Now, you’re out of ammo, and have killed a Jehovah’s Witness and a Girl Scout selling cookies before you even got a chance to sniff her hair! Sad.

For eight years, this imbecile was a heartbeat or one arugula choking incident or stray golf ball to the head away from the Presidency. And he continues to be in first place in the hearts and minds of Democrat voters in the current primary race. That’s because he’s the “sane moderate” in a field so bizarre that it cannot even be parodied.

(“You have an idea for an SNL sketch about the DNC primary and there’s a fake Indian Totalitarian who could be the only woman in America less pleasant than Hillary; a fake Hispanic Irish man-child; a Spartacus-impressionist with an imaginary friend, T-Bone;, AND a white half-Indian woman pretending to be African-American? Plus a crazy ancient Commie who owns three homes but no comb. Come ON. Nobody would believe that…”)

But back to Walmart. During the two years’ long ammo drought, I stood in line there for hours and hours a day and, at one time, knew the names of some 42 employees! It cannot be a coincidence that barely a half dozen of those employees are still there. You never hear tales of how great it is to work at Walmart. My favorite cashiers at Bashas have been there since I moved here in 2010. Joline alone can make your day with just her smile and hair doodads.

I intend to deliver this “resignation” as a customer to the local Walmart management and to see that it gets to the national management as well. But I have – like my hero, Columbo – just “one more question” before I go. Well, actually, several. Like Columbo.

• When you offend and betray your loyal customer base, do you honestly believe that the elites whose behinds you are kissing, are going to pick up the slack? Do you think any of them would deign to be sighted in a Walmart?

• Please list every mass murderer who has purchased his ammo at Walmart. Show your work. Receipts required. Just like with returns.

• Please publish the total number of rounds you have sold to normal non-criminal customers over the decades who have NOT shot anyone, ever. Feel free to round it off to the nearest trillion. Compare and contrast with the lunatics’ purchases, if any.

• What are you planning to do about the ice cream-lickers who probably pose a much more serious health threat? Do you recommend commonsense tongue removal?

Maybe the current cowardly, craven CEO will resign or be fired. Maybe I will return. But not any time soon. Oh, if you only knew what a dedicated impulse buyer you are losing, famous for going in for three items and coming out with twenty-three. Ask anybody who knows me.

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