Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll charts our LONG, LONG LEARNING CURVE. She writes:

All over America our corporate overlords race to outdo each other in proclaiming that nobody better even HINT that the election was anything but fair, fun and fabulous. And who am I to disagree? Just last night I dreamed about an election for Homecoming Queen. Somehow we had hundreds more votes than students! Our Principal was fine with it. Also, while votes were being counted, the Student Council put butcher paper up around all the windows and said, “Nothing to see here,” which was literally true. Then they took out duffel bags of ballots. Dead students voted! Most ballots were mailed in due to the polio epidemic. The Principal’s daughter won! None of that could happen in real life. Cuba, maybe. Not in America.

In some ways, the hardest hit from our completely unsuspicious election will be the potty-mouthed, cookie-cutter unfunny comics. Who ya gonna hate on now, Fungible Late Night Jimmies? Whose severed head you gonna shlep around now, scrawny harridan?

Not that there wouldn’t be plenty of material to draw on. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel! You have a senile kleptocrat with a coke snorting, stripper-impregnating, influence peddler son. AND a Commander in Chief who cannot finish a sentence on his own – even WITH a Teleprompter! (President Trump spoke for over an hour – much clearly improvised, a week after rising from his Commie Flu sickbed. Often in 3-5 states a day.)

Totally Legitimate President Big Guy’s wife, Dr. Jill, wrote a semi-literate, eighth grade-quality term paper to earn her advanced degree in Education. The thesis revolved around the “problem” of retaining Affirmative Action students at America’s indoctrination factories. When the famous future novelist Max Cossack lost academic focus in college, possibly from falling in love with a certain bad influence, nobody gave a rat’s patootie whether or not he would be “retained.” He was put on Academic Probation and told he had one quarter to shape up or get out. He opted for shaping up. “Problem” solved!

Anyhow, with the cast of retread Obama-era buffoons running the show, there would be TONS of fodder for joke-making by SNL, stand-ups, and pale, pale imitations of the late, great Johnny Carson. But this is Humor-Free Joyless New America, so there will be no fish, no barrel, no making fun of Democrats. Quick, name one “Obama joke” from 2008-2016. There will be no shooting either, even into barrels. The Big Guy has already announced a cunning plan to “defeat the NRA.” Remember, kids, only shotguns off the deck!

Humanity has a long, long learning curve and appears doomed to repeat ghastly mistakes, due to massive historical ignorance, deliberate miseducation and willful amnesia. Although trying “This Time It’s Going to Work For Sure” Communism has vastly worse consequences than my own long learning curve, I can sympathize.

Minnesota homie Bob Dylan plaintively asked, “How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?” And I have asked, “How many times must I put eggs on the boil without a timer before I realize I am not going to remember about the eggs when I am writing a screed or reading a good book?” For Max, a tall guy, how many times will he hit his head on the swag lamp over the table before he is ever mindful that it is there? It is nearly a daily event, almost a tradition. (I couldn’t hit it even by jumping at it.)

How many times will I buy clothes that are one or two sizes too small because – altogether now ladies – “any minute now I am going to lose a bunch of weight and fit into them”? And, on a related subject, how many times am I going to shop for food while I am ravenous, stimulating several impulse buys of unwise items? (Who among us has never misread “cupcakes” for “cauliflower” on a shopping list, let her cast the first stone.)

These are all non-lethal missteps. But as Saint Obama the Ocean-Lowering Lightbringer once said, “Elections have consequences.” And though I know you’re never supposed to say “never,” I am likely never going to vote for the current GOP again. Without Voter ID, we will never have another election even as totally righteous and fair as the one we just had.

I moved from Minnesota to Arizona, in large part to live finally in a Red State. Winters had something to do with it, but mostly I was tired of living in a one-party Cold California. When I moved here we had two “Republican” Senators – Flake and McCain. Flake was a bland non-entity who was terrified by a few femi-ninnies in an elevator threatening him over the Kavanaugh nomination. Worthless. I had voted for him as “the lesser evil.” To what end? Now we have two Democrat Senators. Well done, Republicans! Carry on.

McCain could have developed a pipeline and training ground for excellent conservative candidates but instead clung to his seat despite age and illness. He craved adoration as a “maverick” when he betrayed his icky voters. He got to be the decisive vote for keeping Obamacare after running on the promise to get rid of it. He just flat-out lied and absolutely DELIGHTED in screwing President Trump. Oh, us, too? Icing on the cake.

Hell hath no fury, it is said, like a woman scorned, but that fury is multiplied by a factor of tens of millions when it comes to a CANDIDATE scorned. McCain and Romney (and Hillary, of course) were losing losers who lost and they all three HATE, HATE, HATED the Fighting Orange Man who REFUSED to lose. They hated even more the ones who voted for him. It’s one thing to lose to The First Black President. Why, it’s almost unseemly NOT to, as McCain’s and Romney’s flaccid campaigns seemed determined to prove. But what an indignity to have those same voters who rejected YOU flock to a loose cannon from Queens with weird hair. That’s gonna leave a mark!

So how many times am I going to vote for pathological liars, egomaniacs, and moral cowards who are running as “the lesser evil”? It is the nature of Man to disappoint. I am a naturally sunny, optimistic person, but Life has beaten a large amount of optimism out of me. I am no longer impressed by the “Buckley Rule.” Show me what it has ever gotten us. Lucy is ALWAYS going to pick up the football, and the Collins, Murkowski, and Romney throuple will ALWAYS betray us when it matters most.

After Washington and Lincoln, Donald J. Trump will be my third-favorite President forever and Melania our most lovely First Lady. Thank you, Mr. President, for saving us from eight years of Hillary. Your robust economy before Commie Flu, your brave efforts at border control and unflagging support for Israel. We will not forget your courage and fighting spirit, nor will we ever forget this election. For its extreme legitimacy, and awesome wonderfulness, it goes without saying. My Mama didn’t raise no fool.

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