Media Discovers Vote Fraud After All

And not just any media, but Rolling Stone! Fraud on a massive scale in Alaska.

Okay, so it involves a popular election for “Fat Bear” in Alaska, which is part of something in Alaska called “Fat Bear Week,” in which people get to vote for the bear they think is the most suitably plump heading into winter hibernation. I’ll let Rolling Stone take up the story from here:

[Bear] 747 was winning was leading in votes for the whole day and by quite a substantial amount,” Kraft says. “When there were just a few hours of voting left we noticed that 435 Holly received over 9,000 votes in a very short period of time.” It was the speediest and most significant comeback the NPS had seen in a fat bear face-off, and it immediately drew suspicion.

Whoa! 9,000 votes in a very short period of time you say? Sounds like Michigan in 2020. No wonder it “drew suspicion.” Anyway, to continue:

NPS partner and multimedia wildlife organization, Kraft explains, found the avalanche of new votes had been generated via “many fake email addresses coming from several IP address.” Filtering out the votes from those IPs confirmed that 747 had bested 435 — who nonetheless, to her credit, was 2019’s Fat Bear Week champion. On further review, none of the previous rounds bore signs of suspicious activity, and NPS has now added a captcha to its system “in order to create another barrier to stop fraudulent voting.”

Putting in safeguards to prevent fraudulent voting! Imagine that. Surprised people in the furry community aren’t attacking this as “vote suppression.” And I wonder how the results would have come out if the Fat Bear was selected with ranked-choice voting, which fatheaded humans are using in Alaska now for everything else.

But good to know Alaskan bears can now hibernate contently knowing that the latest election was cleaned up. There won’t be any bear raids in Juneau on January 6. I hope the Fat Bears make room for the media; when it comes to actual human vote fraud, our media sleeps in permanent hibernation.

(P.S. Yes, I’m thinking of using “Bear 747” and “Bear 435” as a code words for Trump and Biden going forward.)

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