The DSA Aftermath

Leave it to the geniuses at the Babylon Bee to get to the essence of the Democratic Socialists of America convention that we have been intermittently covering:

From the Bee article:

Eventually, one attendee, who identifies as an owlbear, stood up and bellowed into a microphone, “POINT OF PERSONAL PRIVILEGE: LANGUAGE ITSELF REPRESENTS SPECIES SUPREMACY AND IS VERY TRIGGERING TO ME,” threatening the entire convention. After a brief pantomimed discussion, conference organizers came up with a solution: they would just use interpretative dance.

Conference speakers then gave speeches calling for the death of capitalism and the seizure of the means of production entirely by coordinated dance numbers. One particularly powerful dance entitled “The Blood Flows from the Animal Farm and It Is Delicious” had dancers reenact the Bolshevik Revolution. It would have garnered a standing ovation, but standing is considered ableism, so it only got jazz hands. Then a man without hands performed a scathing solo dance routine to inform everyone that jazz hands were very triggering to him. Everyone tried to apologize with sign language but only made things worse.

But it’s not all fun and games at a DSA convention. They managed to get around to endorsing open borders (which Bernie Sanders, as recently as 2015, said was a “Koch brothers” plot, so I’m confused):

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