Ammo Grrrll fields your questions in ASK AMMO GRRRLL. She writes:
As a service to my loyal readers, periodically I will entertain questions. The great 12th Century rabbinic sage Maimonides wrote his famous Guide for the Perplexed. This, sadly, bears no earthly resemblance to that.
Dear Ammo Grrrll: Do you think regular working people who pay taxes and raise kids and volunteer and go to church and join the military and don’t do drugs and don’t commit crime are actually offended at being called “Deplorable,” or are they just “fragile” like Spike, my Advanced Intersectional Feminist Studies teacher says?
Zelda Zinn in Oberlin
Dear Zelda: I gotta plead ignorance on this one. Why don’t you ask Madame President Hillary Rodham Clinton if that had any effect on the outcome of the 2016 election?
Dear Ammo Grrrll: Is there a “faith tradition” that allows a girl to marry her brother, divorce him, eventually marry the father of her three children, then divorce him when you are off cavorting with an icky white guy married to somebody else?
Confused in Cottage Grove
Dear Confused: Evidently.
Dear Ammo Grrrll: Are there any Muslim countries where the above behavior referenced by Confused in Cottage Grove would get a woman killed?
Worried in Walnut Creek
Dear Worried: Several. But usually the government would not need to get involved. The woman’s brothers would take care of it. Including the one she married.
Dear Ammo Grrrll: There are a lot of elderly, over-the-hill singers, actresses, and actors who spend all day every day Tweeting vulgarities and making totally illegal threats aimed at the duly elected President of the United States, whom I am beginning to think they don’t like. What would you call them?
Grossed Out in Grosse Pointe.
Dear Grossed Out: Rob Reiner, Michael Moore, Babs Streisand, Bobby DeNiro, Bette Midler are just a few of these entertainers now in their 70s who think it’s cool to act like a middle school dropout who has just discovered a whole bunch of new naughty words. I call these people “Obscene-iors.”
Dear Ammo Grrrll: Sorry, Grossed Out here again with a follow-up question so popular with the vapid me-monsters in Presidential news conferences: Why are these Obscene-iors all so gosh darn fat?
Dear GO: I’m not really comfortable “weighing in” (haha) on anybody else’s excess poundage, as I have had a couple of issues with this over the decades myself, but my best guess is that, contrary to popular belief, alfalfa sprouts and rice cakes are actually fattening. I recommend that every food that CAN be fried should be fried. Chicken, steak, rice, potatoes, green tomatoes, and Mexican ice cream. Fry ‘em all! You will still be fat, but happy!
Dear Ammo Grrrll: Don’t you feel as guilty as I do for being white?
Kristin Gilligrand-Standing in Iowa
Dear Kristin: How DARE you assume my race? If I could find my cheekbones, I have no doubt that they would be unusually high.
Dear Ammo Grrrll: Well, if you don’t feel guilty for being white, do you at least acknowledge that you have only succeeded in life from your vast white privilege?
Persistent in Poughkeepsie
Dear Persistent: No.
Dear Ammo Grrrll: Say, have you read any good books lately?
Dear Ms. Shill: Why, YES I HAVE, thanks for asking! What would you say if I told you that the prolific novelist Max Cossack has his THIRD novel out and it’s a hilarious satiric caper in which an obnoxious left-wing professor at a small college in Minnesota gets what’s coming to him? Would you go to Amazon and click on “Max Cossack” – Simple Grifts and buy several copies to beat the Christmas rush? One stop shopping!
Remember that great scene in the movie Witness where Harrison Ford is hiding from corrupt cops and he is trying to blend in with his Amish protectors? He goes into town and some bullies believe that he won’t fight back and push an ice cream cone onto his nose? And he says, “You’re making a mistake.” It’s a great scene in a great movie.
Well, now imagine that this obnoxious professor has given a rural genius kid an “F” in the PC prerequisite course he absolutely needs to get into the University. But the kid won’t knuckle under and regurgitate the balderdash he is supposed to repeat. The professor – like the bully in Witness and all bullies in academia – is making a mistake.
Watching him get his comeuppance in a complex and extremely funny “sting” – with a cast of delightful characters from Max’s previous two books plus some quirky new ones – kept a permanent grin on my face throughout the whole book, except for the many times I was laughing out loud disturbing the neighbors.
Yeah, I know, he’s my husband. Trust me, it’s terrific. You know, certain people love to brag that they work for a “non-profit.” Well, the amount of money we make from these books (all seven between the two of us) would last us for the rest of our lives, providing we die by Thanksgiving. So it’s definitely not for anything as gross as PROFIT that I ask you to buy it. It’s because it’s really funny and you will enjoy the heck out of it, comedically and politically! I am only thinking of you, because I love you! You’re welcome.