Deep thoughts by James Comey

Jack Handey gave us this deep thought:

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”

James Comey’s Twitter feed is a fertile source of such deep thoughts. I give you, for example, the deep thought below.

If we are to take this at face value and not merely as a signal of his inner truth and greatness, James Comey must be one of the least self-aware men in the annals of mankind.

The editors of the Washington Post frequently give Comey space to amplify his deep thoughts. They can’t get enough of ’em. Most recently, Comey contributed a column yesterday to ruminate on President Trump’s post-acquittal event in the East Room of the White House this past Thursday. The column is accessible here on Outline.

If he had any friends, I should think they would have conducted an intervention on him by now. Comey is uninhibited in displaying his cluelessness to readers who get their news from the Post. In his current column’s introductory remarks, for example, Comey notes: “[A]s usual, [Trump] called me a sleaze and scum and a dirty cop and said he likely would no longer be president if he hadn’t fired me. Although I still can’t follow the logic of that last bit, it doesn’t matter.” Comey is confident that readers who get their news from the Post will be similarly befuddled.

The rest of us understand perfectly well what Trump was saying. Jim, you can reach me at [email protected] for an explanation. I can give it to you in fewer than 280 characters. I can give it you in fewer than 140 characters.

This is only the preface to Comey’s autobiographical reflections on the adolescent James Comey. Comey would have us believe that he has to look back to his teenage years to draw a lesson about the perils of running with the crowd. Comey could update his reflections with tales of his days at the FBI running with Andrew McCabe, James Baker, Peter Strzok, Lisa Page and others, including Barack Obama. Comey doesn’t go there, of course. This is where he goes:

We have passed through the legal and constitutional trials of the Trump era. They were painful, but we now face our greatest trial, because it is about each of us, alone. And especially about those who were, or are, Republicans. Will they assert personal, core values in the face of a powerfully human temptation to surrender them? Or will they still those inner voices, smile tightly in places like the East Room, and drift with the crowd? We will know in just nine months.

Can you follow the logic of that last bit? Somewhere God is crying.

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