Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll takes an inventory of WUHAN WISDOM SO FAR. She writes:

Hey, if we can’t draw some lessons from this calamity, we aren’t paying attention. I leave it to my smarter co-bloggers to continue to draw the lessons about the wisdom of following “models” off the cliff. (Unless, of course, they are Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models…). My dear IT-guy husband long ago warned me about GIGO, garbage in, garbage out. If you input bogus data, you’re obviously going to get distorted results. And that’s IF the “researcher” will even let you know what the model IS.

The dude who came up with the model for predicting pandemic results apparently is on the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” program. Or possibly he wiped his computer with, you know, like a cloth. One unfortunate thing that can happen with garbage data is that interested parties can even get invested in cheering for a higher number of deaths of their fellow Americans. How sick is that? So I will leave the epidemiologists and statisticians (a subject I dropped three times in college), to enlighten us down the road. I will confine my observations and conclusions to things more in my wheelhouse. Like food and stuff.

Wuhan Wisdom One: Get healthy — increase your odds of survival!

Comorbidity — a fancy word for “buddy, you’ve got SO MANY things that could or did kill you, we can only guess” — is BAD! Although I was not a fan of the Obama regime, I had some sympathy for the concern the First Lady had for the diet and exercise picture in America, particularly among our youth. I think some mistakes were made in execution, and God only knows how much money was squandered, but I think her heart was in the right place. Apparently, obesity is not healthy! How come my doctor never mentioned that? Haha.

As devoted long-time readers know, I have struggled with losing and regaining the same 10-20 lbs since college. I have tremendous sympathy for others who similarly struggle. But, in the inspiring words of world-class orator and presidential contender Joe Biden, “Come ON, man!”

Twenty pounds is one thing, and a thing I’m not proud of. But a quick trip to your nearest big box store will feature perhaps 60 percent of the shoppers and employees needing to lose 50, 75, 100 pounds or more. The toll on blood pressure, blood sugar, knees, hips, arteries, sleep patterns, and even cognition is staggering. It is our patriotic duty to get healthier, and I intend to start any minute now, as soon as I finish this mediocre chocolate pudding that I made using “legal” potato starch instead of corn starch or flour during Passover. It didn’t turn out great, but it was a fair amount of work, and it’s not going to eat itself.

We’ve all heard in vino veritas. In wine is truth. Well, yes and no. I’ve seen people who are really nice, lovely people turn into ugly nasty snakes when drunk – so which is the “true” them? But every once in awhile, typos can reveal an unfortunate truth. When a friend texted to ask how I was doing, I accidentally typed the following: “So fat, so good.” All too true. Sigh.

Wuhan Wisdom Two: Don’t Waste ANYTHING.

We are a pampered, wasteful society. I have what is called “Seasonal Allergies,” although I have yet to find a “season” in which my nose doesn’t drip. So it was not unusual in the past, when walking by one of several bathrooms in my house, to just grab a long ribbon of toilet paper to wipe my nose on, rather than walking a few feet more to find a Kleenex. NO MORE, by cracky! Toilet paper is for one thing and one thing only, and as little of that as can be managed hygienically. Do not waste toilet paper.

Which reminds me of a bonus joke, one of my favorites: Two men seated in adjacent stalls in the men’s room. One says, “Say, buddy, I seem to be out of toilet paper here. Can you pass me some? “Sorry, I used the last piece.” “Do you happen to have any Kleenex?” “No, sorry.” Long pause. “Do you have change for a ten?”

Moving on. During this lockdown, we don’t waste any food, either. One day we might not even be allowed to go to the grocery store. The rule is “eat it now, or see it ‘reimagined’ and re-presented later.” Didn’t care much for that Lemon Chicken Breast? Say hello to it in this nice pasta with the asparagus you also failed to eat. Do not waste food.

Don’t waste time. We all have a massive cosmic Time Out right now. Why squander this opportunity? Organize those photo albums; clean out the garage; do the Spring Cleaning; clean and oil all your guns; go through your closet and get rid of anything you haven’t worn in two years. (And, no, bell bottoms are not going to make a comeback and if they do, those won’t fit…) When in doubt, throw it out!

Don’t waste time. Our most vulnerable family elders, even if (please, God) they survive the current crisis, are not getting any younger. Get their stories down now, on paper or tape or different forms of video. One of the coolest days of my life occurred in 2010 when Mama – then a spring chicken of 89 — and I returned to Astoria, SD for the 110th anniversary of the founding of the town. We stayed one night with her best friend from high school and we sat on the lady’s screened-in porch and those two adorable women ran through and listed EVERY SINGLE ONE OF the 237 souls who lived there in 1938! If Irene couldn’t come up with a name, Mama could. And they told the most fascinating accompanying stories about the life and times and families then. I could have listened for a week.

It gave me great hope and comforts me to this day. They grew up in the midst of the Great Depression, which at that point had been going on for nine miserable years. They survived drought, dust, locusts, and poverty. How poor were they? They recalled that one classmate’s mother loved to write poetry. The Lutheran Sunday School superintendent would give her the little stubs of pencils when they were almost too small to hold. One day their classmate found a nickel in the street and bought her mother two brand new #2 pencils! Her mother cried for an hour. THAT’S how poor. Can you imagine the poorest American — native born or refugee, of any color — being thrilled to tears with a PENCIL? Not with free food stamps, free Section 8 housing, free medical care and a free Obama phone.

America came back from that, won a World War, and almost all of those families in Astoria went on to become extremely successful – farmers, teachers, preachers, doctors, lawyers, and even millionaire businessmen.

Finally, don’t waste your chance to tell your friends and family how much you love them. A beloved friend sent me a little meme: This quarantine shows how little we need, how much we have, and how much we need other people.

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