Thoughts from the ammo line

Ammo Grrrll is presented A TOTALLY UNEXPECTED OPPORTUNITY!!! She writes:

Since we were only on Day 2 of The Journey Wednesday when it was already time to send in a column, I think I will start the Trip Columns next week. By the time you read this, we should be on our way from Lincoln to Sioux Falls. I will weigh in when I can. Enjoy this one in the meantime.

Just when you think that almost all email is either spam, scams or GOP fund appeals (but, I repeat myself…), here comes an exclusive personal invitation to your Ammo Grrrll, personally and exclusively, to be a valued advisor…to DEMOCRATS!

I would love to find out how I was picked, possibly from being a registered Democrat from 1968 to 2002. Just a guess. Still…2002 is a pretty long time ago – I’d do the Math on that, but Math is racist. I’d say I’m certain that’s almost 20 years ago, but again, in Coke’s Try To Be Less White workshop we learned that being LESS certain means being less white.

I tried to copy the invitation in its own font directly from the email, but that was not successful. I will just re-type it old-school word for word. Prepare to be astonished. It came from an outfit that has been dogging me since before the 2020 “election” called Progressive Turnout Project. A group allegedly dedicated to “turnout” is an odd mission for a group whose fondest wish was to PREVENT turnout, which cannot be controlled, and instead just directly mail in votes FOR the illegals, the dead, the multiply registered in several states, and the felons.

I will intersperse their prose in Bold with my own thoughtful mental responses. Naturally, SOME thoughts cannot be expressed aloud due to taste considerations. Feel free to substitute your OWN unexpressed thoughts, bearing in mind that you have been previously advised that asterisk-laden subterfuges will not pass muster. Here we go:

“Susan, you’re someone we can trust to tell us your honest opinions.”

Whoa, already on a first-name basis! How personal and exclusive! Well, they sure got THAT part right about trusting me to tell them what I think. I’ve been expressing my honest opinions – even unsolicited — pretty much since I could talk. Never mind that they aren’t going to be opinions with which The Progressive Turnout Project could agree. Or even that they would allow me to express in person, in print or on any social media if they had the power.

“As one of our most engaged supporters, we’re inviting you to join our 2021 Democrat Advisory Board. We ask that you please accept this exclusive invitation by April 11th.”

I doubt if I am their “most engaged” supporter, since I’ve only been engaged the once. However, I have been married for dozens and dozens of years, but I’ll let that go. I note that time is of the essence here as my offer evidently expired the day after I received the email for some reason. So what’s the catch here, kids? No way it could involve a donation, I bet.

“To accept, you must complete a short, 3 minute survey.”

Ah, yes. A survey. Which will end with a donation. At least it isn’t a 3-hour Time Share Presentation which my dear late Mother sat through on countless occasions in order to get the BOGO coupon for a dinner at some Florida eatery.

She once watched an hour in-home vacuum cleaner demonstration in order to get a 12-cent (guesstimate) pizza pan. She did not care for, and never once in her life made, pizza. But, she was from the Depression Generation. Free stuff was crack to her. She TOLD the salesman in advance that she already had a lovely vacuum cleaner she was happy with and was absolutely not going to buy. No problem, he said. Why, he had taken a sales seminar! He was sure she would cave. Haha. He did not know her. He tried to stiff her on the pizza pan and she threatened to call the police. He practically threw it at her. But I digress.

So far I have declined to take the survey, the results of which could go instantly either to the FBI to be placed on a No-Fly List, to Twitter for endless doxxing, or to some data base of Deplorable Incorrigible Insurrectionists who bitterly cling to either the First, or God forbid, the 2nd Amendment.

I can, therefore, only imagine the questions, which are sure to be in a standard “push poll” format such as “Do you support a woman’s sacred right to choose to control her own body by which the so-called ‘life’ of a clump of cells can be ended by a vague method we like to call ‘reproductive health care’?” OR, alternatively, “Do you hate all women and want to force them to wear ugly bonnets and long dresses and die in back alleys?”

The email continues: “Every day, Trump’s Republicans spread vicious lies about the Biden Administration.”

Really? How? You guys control every form of media known to man except carrier pigeons and I’m sure George Soros is quietly buying up all the pigeons and slating them for termination. I was sincerely hoping for some lurid examples of “vicious lies,” but, alas, supporting evidence for this charge is sorely lacking. I am also fond of the phrase “Trump’s Republicans” which sounds much better to me than “Romney’s Rats” or “Murkowski’s Miserable Republicrats”.

But here’s the bottom line which the originators of the email find horrifying:

“It’s causing some Democrats to LEAVE the party.”

Oh, say it ain’t so! Notwithstanding the problematic “it’s” to refer to either “Trump’s Republicans” or “vicious lies,” it’s hard to say WHAT the antecedent is there – this is news you can use. I think the fact that the country and its nuclear codes are in the flaccid grip of a senile greed-ball who would happily steal the pennies from his dead mother’s eyes is why “some” – not nearly “enough” – Democrats are leaving the party. Well, that, and the fact that loot-icrous entities like BLM and Antifa roam unimpeded in every Democrat-run city in America.

“That’s why we need you on our Board, Susan.”

I stand ready to serve in any selfless capacity which would accelerate the process of people leaving the Democrat Party. May it come speedily in our days. Next week: the journey to northern Minnesota, including A Detailed Food Log!