Why the debates are on (if they are on)

Donald Trump challenged Joe Biden to debate a while ago. Biden has now seized the initiative and offered to debate Trump. Biden challenged Trump by means of a video that obnoxiously alludes to the lawfare against Trump, as though Biden is an innocent bystander.

Biden is a real tough guy. “Make my day, pal,” Biden says on what must be the tenth take of the line spliced into the final jumpy edit of the video. Biden is dirty, all right, but Dirty Harry he ain’t. Thanks for reminding us why we have developed such an antipathy to you, pal. What a vile jerk you are.

If the debates are a go, I offer eight preliminary speculations on the underlying reasons.

• Biden’s handlers think they have finally titrated the cocaine dose that will overcome Biden’s usual Weekend at Bernie’s affect for a few hours.

• Despite what they say, Biden’s handlers have seen their own internal polls and they correspond with the public polls. Biden’s internal polls show him losing to Trump in the battleground states, just as the public polls do. Something’s gotta give.

• Biden seems to want to lead off with a June debate. The campaigns don’t traditionally begin in earnest until after Labor Day. In case Biden falls on his face, Biden’s handlers want to leave the Obama retreads in the administration sufficient time to pressure him out of the race in advance of the Democratic convention.

• Joe, however, isn’t going anywhere. In his sentient interludes, he likes being king — as does Dr. Jill.

• Biden wants a second debate in early September, only a week or so after Labor Day and long enough in advance of the election that his handlers can prop him up, Weekend at Bernie’s style, in the event he falls on his face.

• Trump’s challenge is to restrain himself sufficiently to present himself as a no vote. Biden’s handlers hope that Trump can’t help reverting to the behavior that turns off middle of the road voters.

• It would be nice to distract attention from the trials of Hunter Biden and the Biden family business.

• How sweet it would be to play on a friendly field such as CNN and a moderator with a Candy stripe. A Candy Crowley stripe, that is.

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