Ammo Grrrll calls this one “Things That Make You Go “WHAT??…” She takes a winding path to an inspirational destination:
So, I’m drivin’ along on my last big road trip between Arizona and Minnesota and I come to some merged lanes, rapidly-descending speed limits, and the usual ten guys leaning on the shovel while two or three work on a very small section of road with many miles conveniently blocked off in either direction.
And then I see the cautionary orange sign: “Kill a construction worker, it’s a $10,000 fine AND you lose your license!!” WHAT?? Miscreants beware! Do they really need that second threat?
Would anyone think: “If it were JUST the $10,000, that might be worth it, but the license thing…that would give me pause”? People tell me that all caps feels like yelling. So, here’s me yelling: ARE YOU KIDDING? That’s IT? You’ve just KILLED A HUMAN BEING!!
Is there any other instance in which a person could take someone’s life, fork over ten grand and just take public transportation for the rest of his life? Do tell. Because I actually have $10,000 and “I have a little list… and they never will be missed.” Just kidding, of course. Oh those rascally Gilbert and Sullivan fellas. That song makes me feel “unsafe,” “marginalized,” “uncomfortable,” “invalidated,” “triggered” and many other negative emotions as soon as I think some more up. Even the word “trigger” is particularly triggering.
So is this what we’ve come to in America? You kill a construction worker and pay a fine, but you defend your wife who has had the temerity to joke around about hypothetical Hallowe’en costumes that could possibly offend a humorless, mentally defective Stalinist, and you have to throw yourself on your sword to preserve your job? Whatever pathetic courses are required to earn a degree in college today should include The Groveling Apology 101. Followed by Advanced Weeping Resignation Letters of Shame 202.
I have burned several bridges in my life, some stupidly. But it is unthinkable to me to have to go before a slavering mob of thugs and cretins and confess my sins in order to keep a job. Which seldom even works, by the way. You ever see chickens when they fight? One gets a little blood on her and the others go into a frenzy and peck her to death. No lie.
So, no, I would not apologize for expressing my opinion. I would sooner beg by the freeway entrance. I always took the rather cavalier attitude, “Hey, I was lookin’ for a job when I found THIS one…” Eventually, I became self-employed.
Eagerly I await the day when an attacked administrator – of any gender – finds his or her metaphorical testicles have descended at last. I recommend a huge sound system that can drown out the ensuing meltdown from the spittle-flecked crowd.
The accused should also be wearing a sombrero and a Redskins t-shirt, to prove that the snowflakes can gaze upon these items and still survive, and say the following:
“Fasten your seatbelts, you blithering idiots, grab your Play-Doh and plush toys, cuz it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. You useless teachers who spawned these Baby Brown Shirts are all fired. Your jobs will be posted tomorrow. From this day forward, only people who believe in academic freedom, free speech, free press and actual diversity of ideas will be hired. Sue me. I will drag out any litigation until the end of time. It will make the Mark Steyn/Michael ‘Hockey Stick’ Mann case, now in its fifth year, look like a New York minute.
“Anyone who was yelling anti-white obscenities – which, by the way, absolutely is racist – at people trying to study in the library is hereby expelled.
“Call your Mommies to come get you, using your beloved cellphones, the technology for which you hysterical ninnies of various colors and genders have culturally appropriated from smart white men, including, but not limited to the Israelis you slander and boycott. Without white men, you’d be talking through two Dixie cups and a string.
“I can’t do anything about a random yahoo in a pickup truck who is not a student here, yelling the n-word if, indeed, this incident even happened. If he were a student, he would be gone, too. Should you shoot out his tires, it wouldn’t upset me, but if you are as bad at shooting as you are at scholarship, you would probably only hit innocent bystanders.
“Exams will be held on the posted schedule. Anyone not showing up for them will get an F.
“Sane adults do NOT call the Police when their feelings are hurt. The cops have better things to do. Oh, and by the way, ALL lives do matter. And Islamic terrorist murder is way way way worse than a poop stain in the shower, whether it’s in the shape of a swastika, a hammer and sickle or Justin Bieber. Did you somehow miss the Electric Company song, ‘Three of these things are like the others, but one of these things isn’t the same?’ Note to self: we will have to include it in remedial courses. Those of you still enrolled: Go study for your exams. You are a monumental embarrassment to me, this school and all its alumni. Dismissed.”