Here’s the Monty Python election coverage routine I referred to yesterday, in connection with Hugh Hewitt’s column regarding the real “two Americas.” (Hat Tip to David, who still owns the web).
Election Night Special
Cleese: (talking very fast, as do all the commentators): Hello, good evening and welcome to Election Night Special. There’s tremendous excitement here at the moment and we should be getting the first results through any moment now. We’re not sure where it will be from, it might be Leicester or from West Byfleet, the polling’s been quite heavy in both areas. Ah, I’m just getting… I’m just getting… a buzzing noise in my left ear. Urgh, argh! (removes insect and stamps on it). And now let’s go straight over to Leicester.
Palin: And it’s a straight fight here at Leicester and we’re expecting the result any moment now. There with the Returning Officer is Arthur Smith the sensible candidate and next to him is Jethro Q. Walrustitty the silly candidate with his agent and his silly wife.
Idle: (clears throat) Here is the result for Leicester. Arthur J. Smith…
Cleese: Sensible Party
Idle: …30,612. (applause) Jethro Q. Bunn Whackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot Walrustitty…
Cleese: Silly Party
Idle: …33,108. (applause)
Cleese: Well there we have the first result of the election and the Silly party has held Leicester. Norman.
Palin: Well pretty much as I predicted, except that the Silly party won. Er, I think this is largely due to the number of votes cast. Gerald.
Chapman: Well there’s a big swing here to the Silly Party, but how big a swing I’m not going to tell you.
Palin: I think one should point out that in this constituency since the last election a lot of very silly people have moved into new housing estates with the result that a lot of sensible voters have moved further down the road the other side of number er, 29.
Cleese: Well I can’t add anything to that. Colin?
Idle: Can I just say that this is the first time I’ve been on television?
Cleese: No I’m sorry, there isn’t time, we’re just going straight over to Luton.
Chapman: Well here at Luton it’s a three-cornered contest between, from left to right, Alan Jones (Sensible Party), Tarquin Fin-tim-lim-bim-lim-bin- bim-bin-bim bus stop F’tang F’tang Ol
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“Arise and take our stand for freedom as in the olden time.” Winston Churchill