The Week In Pictures
October 24, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Scene: a Hollywood pitch meeting. The idea: a sitcom starring the son of a former vice president now running for president himself, rooming with a bloviating cable news “lawyer-commentator” who wants in on the son’s hookers and blow action. Every few minutes a sock puppet pops up from behind the couch and asks, “What’s going on here?” A second sock puppet labeled “NPR” pops up to say, “Nothing to see
»
October 17, 2020 — Steven Hayward
The most obvious thing we learned this week is that Judge Amy Coney Barrett’s blank notepad is smarter that all the Senate Democrats put together. Has there ever been a more eloquent and effective smackdown of political posturing than a blank notepad? In future discussions of jurisprudence among law professors, we might well think to observe that “this is the greatest assemblage of legal thinking since Amy Coney Barrett’s blank
»
October 10, 2020 — Steven Hayward
So forget the old saying, “Oh to be a fly on the wall.” After this week, we all want to be a fly on Mike Pence’s head. Of course, there are two theories about this. One is, the fly was a Deep State nanobot designed to interfere with Pence’s brain waves and mess him up in the debate. The other theory is that is was a Trump campaign nanobot to
»
October 3, 2020 — Steven Hayward
I think I know what’s really going on. Over at KAOS headquarters (otherwise known as Trump Tower), the show runners were recalling the palmy days of the Access Hollywood tape four years ago, when everyone said IT’S OVER!—PUT PENCE AT THE TOP OF THE TICKET NOW! The attempted sequel—the Melania Tapes—bombed, so someone said, “I’ve got it! Let’s go with COVID! Yeah, that’s the ticket!” Headlines of
»
September 26, 2020 — Steven Hayward
In almost one-third of the days of September, the Biden campaign has called a “lid”—meaning no further events or candidate appearances—by 9 am in the morning. People used to joke that Ronald Reagan was only a 9 to 5 president, with a nap after lunch. (Not true: he was usually answering personal correspondence.) Is Biden going to be an 9 – 1o am president? And has Kamala Harris been put
»
September 19, 2020 — Steven Hayward
From the Washington Post: “Recent polls showing President Trump’s inroads with Latinos have set off a fresh round of frustration and finger-pointing among Democrats, confirming problems some say have simmered for months.” So what do you do? You have Sleepy Joe slow-roll the Macarena or something. “Despacito” sounds close enough to desperado to work? Why not? Slow Joe probably thinks of it as a Corny Pop song. Meanwhile, let’s start
»
September 12, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Since it is the convention to speak of presidential election campaigns like horse races, we’ve reached the far turn before the homestretch. Biden is still sitting inside on the pole, but is tiring. Trump is coming up fast on the outside. The track is sloppy. The odds are narrow. The stands are starting to fill up. Photo finish ahead? Headlines of the week: And finally . . . Lauren Boebert
»
September 5, 2020 — Steven Hayward
So, Nancy Pelosi is having the Bad Hair Day from Hell right now, because she was set up by a cabal of Trump-supporting hairdressers in . . . (checks notes) . . . San Francisco? That sounds about as implausible as CNN reporting a story accurately, or a liberal Democrat telling the truth about President Trump. Meanwhile, a Kennedy actually lost an election in Massachusetts, showing that Trump really is
»
August 29, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Anybody remember years ago when the 7-Up people marketed their clear cola as the “un-cola”? Well this week we got the GOP “Un-Convention,” a format that was not really a convention, but which showed, in contrast to the Democrats’ Zoom-a-Thon last week, that the supposed advantage of having Hollywood talent on your side doesn’t actually count for much. And how nice of all those “spontaneous” and “mostly peaceful” pro-Trump rallies
»
August 22, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Hi everybody! Emily Litella here. Say, I’m confused. I kept hearing all week that it was the 100th anniversary of ending all-male voting. But then I keep hearing Democrats demand that we have an all-male election in November. But there are no male boxes because Trump has locked them up in cages at the border. Are male boxes just individuals with a cervix? I’m sure Joe Biden can explain the
»
August 15, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Anything of note happen this week? I’ve actually been distracted by things. I hear Joe Biden has selected the next President of the United States. Very nice of him to do it for us; saves us the trouble of a nomination contest and such. I hear the going rate for food tasters has gone up sharply over the last 72 hours. Funny, with so many restaurants closed down you’d think
»
August 8, 2020 — Steven Hayward
According to the polls Joe Biden has a big lead over Trump, but I seem to recall a candidate once before named Joe (Lieberman), who claimed some early successes gave him “Joe-mentum,” right before his campaign crashed and burned. Say what you will about Trump discovering “Yo-semitism” or “Thighland” (isn’t that a club in Vegas?), but if Biden keeps stumbling at the rate he did this week, watch suppositories sell
»
August 1, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Sometimes you close down the bar. And sometimes the Barr closes down you! I think Attorney General Barr should volunteer to do as many hearings as Democrats want. There are at least two Democratic ex-senators (McCaskill and Donnelly) who blame their loss in the 2018 election to the Democratic freak show over the Kavanaugh nomination. Here’s a fun idea for our Troller-in-Chief: suggest appointing Barr to the Supreme Court. Headlines
»
July 25, 2020 — Steven Hayward
So we have sports back, starting with major league baseball in empty stadiums, but with artificial crowd noise piped into TV broadcasts as if the game is an unfunny sitcom or something. And in one sense it is an unfunny sitcom, since so many players seem intimidated into the political exhibitionism of kneeling for the national anthem. Here’s a thought: if we want to get real crowds into stadiums, let’s
»
July 18, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Boy by golly Goya—that leftist Tweetstorm certainly backfired! And if we didn’t have enough fun watching the leftist mob turn into a stimulus package for packaged Mexican food, we have the additional spectacle of Trump yesterday issuing a message celebrating the 75th anniversary of our invention of the atomic bomb, which was perfectly packed to cause 50 megaton detonations of the disarmament crowd. To quote Ronaldus Magnus, “We begin bombing
»
July 11, 2020 — Steven Hayward
I remember back at the very end of the Reagan presidency when R. Emmett Tyrrell proposed in the pages of the American Spectator that Reagan be added to Mount Rushmore, just to watch liberals have an embolism. Well, now that the left wants to take down Mount Rushmore for the sin of being built on “unceded native American land” plus slave-owning (Washington, Jefferson), colonialism (TR), and all-around hatred for greatness
»
July 4, 2020 — Steven Hayward
Can there be any more fitting image for the 4th of July this year than the McCloskeys of St. Louis, showing us what self-defense will look like in our forthcoming de-policed age (which an older generation of better educated leaders would recognize as the world of Hobbes)? I do wish they had better trigger discipline, but still, this is perhaps the most meme-worthy moment of 2020, and we’ve got a
»
