The Week In Pictures
June 15, 2019 — Steven Hayward
Did President Trump really write “the Prince of Whales” in a tweet this week? Why yes—yes he did. (See below.) It may be his greatest tweet ever. The actual current Prince of Wales is a ridiculous buffoon, and I think Queen Liz is living so long because she knows it will be better if Charles has as short a reign as possible. But Trump might also have been referring to
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June 8, 2019 — Steven Hayward
Hey, I’ve got a great idea. For all those Brits who are still grumpy about 1776 and all that, how about we offer to rejoin Great Britain. Trump can become prime minister! I’ll bet he can get a Brexit deal done faster than you can say “Jerry Nadler on Line One!” The Queen has the right idea: And you gotta love polite British protesters: Headlines of the week (Florida Men
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June 1, 2019 — Steven Hayward
This week Robert Mueller emerged from his hobbit hole, saw his shadow, and ensured there would be at least six more weeks (if not six more months) of agony for Nancy Pelosi, and more microphone mugging by Jerry Nadler, aka Jabba the Hutt on Weight Watchers. I’m checking my evolutionary biology textbooks, because I’m starting to suspect that groundhogs are genetically related to swamp rats—Washington DC’s most conspicuous rodent. Headlines
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May 25, 2019 — Steven Hayward
I never did much get into Throne Games, or Lame of Drones, or whatever it’s called—not enough sex and violence for my tastes. But I hear every critic, which means everyone in the democratized era of social criticism via anti-social media, is down on the last season and the ending. But the real reason for the criticism is obvious: the series ended, and viewers wanted it to go on forever.
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May 18, 2019 — Steven Hayward
I’m thinking of printing up some bumper stickers that read, “Honk if you’re a Democrat who is not running for president!” Mayor de Blasio is now in, no doubt with memories of how well both John Lindsay and Rudy Giuliani fared with their base in Gracie Mansion. Don’t they know you need to live midtown on 5th Avenue to win the White House? Is there a switchyard big enough to
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May 11, 2019 — Steven Hayward
How lucky is Trump to have Jerry Nadler as his chief inquisitor on Capitol Hill? I recall Nadler from his Jabba-the-Hutt days defending Bill Clinton from impeachment exactly 20 years ago. He must have thought we wouldn’t notice it is the same guy if he underwent barometric surgery—that’s where you let high pressure squeeze you into the human likeness of a raisin, but side effects include a full-blown case of
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May 4, 2019 — Steven Hayward
That croaking sound you hear are the dying hopes of the Trump Derangement sufferers as their malady enters its terminal phase, their dreams shattered by the stolid performance of Attorney General William Barr. Up next, the Inspector General’s report from the Justice Department. Unfortunately there’s no vaccination for liberalism. Keep on Trumpin! Good times! Headlines of the week (Florida Man still working overtime): And finally. . .
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April 27, 2019 — Steven Hayward
Somewhere I am sure there’s a medieval German dictionary with the archaic term Bidenfreude, which means “taking delight in the spectacle of drooling old guys with hair plugs pretending to be ‘woke.'” But what the heck, if the Strolling Bones can still strut on stage in their late 70s, why not the Groovin Groper? In 1992 someone asked Bill Clinton whether he wore boxers or briefs. I want someone to
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April 20, 2019 — Steven Hayward
The left’s obsession with Trump Russia Collusion and Obstruction has become the dead parrot sketch of American politics. It’s pushing up daisies, singing to the choir invisible. It’s an ex-scandal. No, CNN, it’s not just stunned, or pining for the fjords of decent ratings. The fat lady is singing. In fact she’s back in her dressing room starting her low-carb diet. It’s more over than your grandma’s overcooked roast beef. CNN
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April 13, 2019 — Steven Hayward
This is the week scientists say we can see a black hole for the first time, but that’s only because they didn’t look at the Democratic Party’s 2020 presidential field. That is sucking up more mass and light than 100 black holes. But this was also the week Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand discovered what she called “tactile nuclear weapons.” This is almost as good a neologism as the late Nevada Sen.
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April 6, 2019 — Steven Hayward
I’m really hoping Joe Biden runs. We need the free entertainment. Though he will lock down the Dirty Old Man segment of the electorate. Maybe we’ll get a special prosecutor to look into the whole matter. Speaking of things that continue to pay dividends, whatever happened to that old liberal slogan, Move On? The left just can’t move on from the Mueller disappointment, and are still mired in the first
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March 30, 2019 — Steven Hayward
The ink was barely dry on the Mueller Report when the news broke that Jussie Smollett effect a breakout worthy of Houdini. Maybe it wasn’t a breakout as much as it was a case of the Foxx guarding the hoax-house. But we’re not done with the Mueller Report beat down on the Democrats and the media (but I repeat myself). Nosiree Bob! And the Green Nude Eel is still on
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March 26, 2019 — Steven Hayward
It’s only Tuesday, but what a week. The SPLC is collapsing, Trump’s poll numbers are looking up, and public regard for the media, who make Michael Avenatti a supposed presidential candidate, is going to sink to new lows. At least liberals can still hope the Southern District of New York will save them, and . . . wait, what? SDNY indicted Avenatti? I’m betting a lot of Democrats right now
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March 23, 2019 — Steven Hayward
Finally, we have white smoke from the Justice Department chimney! Habemus Muelleri Reportam! But what’s in it? Right now the speculation is the report has so little red meat that vegans could swallow it. Mueller? Mueller? Anyone? But this is just a Deep State distraction from how pathetic the Democratic 2020 presidential field is. Has there ever been a more perfect Democratic candidate than Beto? He is the ultimate self-referential candidate,
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March 16, 2019 — Steven Hayward
The best take I’ve seen yet on the college athletics admission scandal is that someone needs to do a comedy movie where the non-athlete students are forced to play after all, go through grueling practice, with predictable results—they win! Because Hollywood! Because who doesn’t like a good underdog story—you know, those “underdogs” from rich and famous households who just need one tiny break to get into the big leagues. Possible
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March 9, 2019 — Steven Hayward
Watching Nancy Pelosi’s clown show caucus try to formulate how many ways they could hate hate in one resolution reminded me of the Monty Python scene in Life of Brian where Graham Chapman’s character wants to join up with the People’s Front of Judea (or was it the Judean People’s Front?), and is interrogated as to his fitness: “You have to really hate the Romans to join our group! How
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March 2, 2019 — Steven Hayward
Has there ever been a “sensational” “blockbuster” hearing as dreary and predictable as the Michael Cohen Show this week? One does wonder why Trump would ever have hired such an obvious mediocrity in the first place, and it’s plain that he won’t make it out of the first round of contestants for the Dems’ attempt at reality TV, “John Dean’s Apprentice.” We’ll want to grade this effort on the Laugh-Out-Curve.
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