Return of the Hawk

IowaHawk has been out of the parody business for a while. Based on what I’ve heard second-hand, I suspect this is due to the pressures of business. But the Hawk couldn’t resist as juicy a target as Dick Durbin. This is just a sample; there is much more:

Customer Relations Department
United Airlines
Elk Grove Village, IL
Dear Sir or Madam:
In the dark annals of human evil, history has recorded the Holocaust, the Rwandan genocides, and Stalin’s mass starvation program. And now, United Airlines flight 671 from Reagan International to Chicago O’Hare on June 3rd, 2005. I know, because I am a survivor of that dark exemplar of man’s cruelty to man.
Perhaps I should have known what I was in for when your brusque gate agent refused to issue an upgrade to me for the flight (despite being a Premier/1K member for over 10 years), or when your flight crew Gestapo confiscated my carry on Roll Tote (even though I had nearly fit it into the overhead bin). But the true measure of the horror did not dawn on me until me and my fellow passengers were left taxiing on the O’Hare tarmack for over twenty minutes in the Auschwitzian Airbus A320 cattlecar, in temperatures approaching 85 degrees, not knowing our fates or whether we would make it to our fundraising dinners.
Santayana once said, “those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.” And I say to you and your fellow United criminals: “never again,” unless you credit my account at least 2 flight segments for this travesty.
Senator Richard J. Durbin
Washington, DC

Humor is indeed the best medicine. Here’s hoping that the execrable Dick Durbin is laughed right out of the Senate. Toward that end, you can call his Washington office at (202) 224-2152, or his Illinois office at (312) 353-4952. Or you can email him here. But calls are best, especially if you live in Illinois.


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