Your Guide to the Democratic Debates (& Drinking Game Rules)

(Checking inventory): Case of single-malt whisky? Check. Case of red Bordeaux? Check? Keg of beer? Check. Two 55-gallon barrels of popcorn? Check. Pound of Black Rifle Coffee for the morning-after hangover? Check.

Okay, I’m ready for the first Democratic debate tonight.

Here are the Dem Debate Drinking Game Rules:

—Every time Bernie says “millionaires and billionaires,” take a nice sip of Bordeaux.

—Every time Fauxchaontas Warren says “the top 1 percent,” take a sip of whisky.

—Every time Joe Biden says something goofy or incoherent, take a swig of beer. (This is why you need a keg, of course. A case of beer won’t make to the end.)

—Every time any of the candidates say “free,” have a handful of popcorn.

—Every time Jay Inslee mentions climate change, turn down your thermostat by a degree to increase your carbon footprint. (Or put an extra burger or hot dog on your charcoal grill.)

To be sure, the one needful thing the Democratic field won’t directly promise is liver transplants.

P.S. See also John Podhoretz here on the debates, especially this:

The only way these debates will matter is if they are exciting. And the only way to ensure that people keep watching them as the months pass, and thereby create a sense that the Democratic Party is full of life, is if these first debates reward their interest with fireworks.

It’s the shmendricks who need to set the debate hall on fire — you know, the ones you’ve never heard of, like the governors of Climatechangiana and Potsmokia and the House members from Whereverdude and Freestuffistan.

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